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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, based on talking to my friends, this is very common, especially for the ones who married American women. Otherwise, not so much.

Most of my friends make mid six-figures, financially very comfortable, but the wives have insisted on having a very busy career of their own--one that usually amounts to less than my friend's income tax. They've begged their wives to let the hobby job go, take more time with family, etc., but the women prefer the persecution complex of "having to do it all" and "a woman's work is never done" "third shift" and all that.[/quote]

These are the garbage men like my exDH who pushed me out of the workforce because his salary made mine “pointless” and he didn’t want to do his share of parenting and wanted me to pick it up because he “was on track for seven figures”.

Well guess what? Two weeks before he hit seven figures, he served me divorce papers. Assets divide in divorce, [b]income doesn’t[/b].

Don’t let a manipulative man scheme to get you to carry his share and drop your salary. It’s a ploy that only benefits him.[/quote]

Wouldn't the lower earning spouse get alimony?

I'm a DH but I'm sympathetic to women wanting to stay in the labor force. But if the husband is making high income and the wife still wants to work, hiring outside help seems like a better solution. Trying to do it all or getting mad that DH who works 60-80 hours a week and earns mid to high six figures doesn't have energy to do laundry seems pointless.[/quote]

Context matters.  It's one thing if you're pulling long surgical shifts, but another if you're going to every conference, sports event, concert, and happy hour thrown your way.  And if all you offer is a paycheck, husband or ex-husband, what's the difference, really?  [/quote]

Ha, I'm the poster girl for this. My ex did workouts and coffee with friends every single morning, happy hours and concerts most nights of the week, solo trips and guys' trips and festivals every weekend. (I honestly think he has some kind of dopamine deficit issue.)

A year and a half ago he suddenly walked out on me for another woman. I was devastated and confused, and scared, as a SAHM with a chronic illness. Thankfully, he felt guilty, I guess. And now I get $10k/month for life, plus I have assets worth a couple million. A friend actually had to say to me . . . "Wait, so you don't have to deal with a man, and you don't have to worry about money, this sounds . . . amazing?" And I was like, oh yeah, sniffle, you think so?

But as I've peeled back the layers on all the overfunctioning and shit-sandwich-eating I was doing, I cannot believe how much I have lucked out. Today I actually had a conversation with my mother about his affair-partner-turned-girlfriend in which I said, "I mean, no one should do these things for another adult. She shouldn't have to do these things for him. But it's better for my children that someone is doing them. And I am so glad it's not me." She said, "Yes, I think he needs someone to take care of him." I said, "No, he needs to stop drinking. Then he could take care of himself."

We have 60/40 custody and I cannot believe how much more free time I have (since I started with zero). 40% of my nights free is so many nights! And just doing my laundry and the kids is so much easier. Buying Christmas presents just from me instead of from "Mommy and Daddy" . . . everything is so easy. And then they come back from Christmas crying about how he screwed it up and happy to have "real Christmas" with me, and I say "I know babies" and then we snuggle on the couch together (I have two teenaged daughters).

Really the only thing he was providing me that I'm not getting now is sex, and that will be easy to find when I'm ready. And despite his high income he's a black hole of mysterious spending and is always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. I am saving so much money each month.

I'm not just eating bon bons and spending all my money on hats. I'm doing all the parenting. And I'm still grieving in a lot of ways. I'm still sad that the person I had kids with is just gone. He would have been heartbroken to know how he was going to ruin his relationship with his kids.

But I'm glad that they are seeing toxic and dysfunctional behavior for what it is. I'm not whitewashing his sins any more. He's standing (well, falling on his arse) on his own. [/quote]

$10k/month and assets worth couple of millions I think you are okay. In most cases divorce is not a bad deal for women. The courts will lobby for them so they come out financially ahead, [/quote]

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