Reply to Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It just seems exhausting that middle age women still have cliques. [/quote]

What is weird to me is that cliques actually seem more prevalent in my 40s than they did when I was in high school. There was friend drama in HS but it wasn't this passive aggressive exclusion or these weird hierarchies. It would more run of the mill, like (making this up) Katie and Jessie were best friends and then Jessie decided to do the school play instead of marching band and Katie felt hurt. But even in a situation like that, most of the time people would just talk it out and make up and it would be fine. It was just kids figuring their lives out and having some growing pains, but it usually wasn't malicious.

There are more mean 40 year old women than mean 17 year old girls, at least in my experience. It's really sad.[/quote]

I have definitely had the opposite experience.  I very much related to “Mean Girls” and this rigid social structure in high school.  
Do you think part of the reason you fell into this as an adult was that you had such an idyllic adolescence?  Like[b] maybe if you don’t see this stuff and get your heart broken by it when you are 17, you don’t automatically spot it and know to stay clear in your 30’s[/b].   
 
[/quote]

I'm not PP but I saw this nonsense in high school, steered clear of it, and have avoided it ever since. I didn't need to get my heart broken to see that some people are mean and I don't want to spend time with them.

I can't believe that Ashley Tisdale didn't know that this friend group was like this. For sure they were gossiping about others or being exclusive when she joined, she just didn't care because it didn't affect her! If I met a group of people like that I'd be out instantly. [/quote]

Maybe you're the sole World Champion Dicey Friend Group Advance Spotter but the truth is many of us have been there, including ignoring or willfully downplaying the red flags, because we were getting together with the group for bigger shared needs (ie, all new moms. All in the same study abroad group or hall of first semester freshman dorm. All new transplants to the same town. All in the same walking group trying to lose weight together. You name it).

And then *looking back,* you realize that without that big shared need/connection, which likely happened *precisely* when you were in a vulnerable spot like being a new mom, you would have steered clear. [/quote]

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