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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP. Had a really bizarre experience today with DD. After speaking with her school counselor, we decided to stick to a hard homework time limit for DD. I communicated this to DD, and as expected, she reacted in anger.  Threatened to kill me, stab me with a knife, pulled out her pocket knife, told me I was useless, told me I was telling everyone lies about her, said I was treating her as if she had a disability, etc, basically a tantrum.  She doesn't mean any of it - it's the equivalent to a toddler screaming.  [b]In moments of anger, she just tries to think of the most shocking and most inappropriate thing she could do. [/b]But I did make it crystal clear that I'd be taking away her laptop at a specific time and would cut her off from homework after the allotted time.  And then whatever she didn't finish, we'd just write to the teacher and let them know.  The counselor said they'd talk to the teachers and make sure it didn't count against her when she didn't finish.

Miraculously...she finished her homework within that time limit. This was after consistently spending 3-5hrs every day on homework, - she finished in 1.5hrs. The crazy part?  Afterwards, over dinner, she literally became a different person.  I mean, who she was before at times. She was talking, about her interests, lively engaging, and having an actual conversation with us.  This was after being a brooding, mumbling, depressed and sick looking kid for at least 2 months. And literally just 30 minutes after telling me, "Mom, does it bother you that I will never want to talk to you again?  That I'd rather talk to my journal than ever talk to you?"  and I just responded, "I'm glad you have an outlet"

I know it's just one night.  And I know about adolescent mood swings. But I literally hadn't seen this girl in forever.  I don't want to jinx it or count my chickens before they hatch.  But it was so nice, and so surprising.   It felt like we had finally freed her from this terrible nightmare loop she was stuck in and she just needed us to pull her out of it.

This was a really tough month.  She had spent days refusing to even to talk to us.  But that was nice. [/quote]
My dd does this too, so I understand, but your dd pulled an actual knife on you. I hope you confiscated the pocket knife. Making empty threats is one thing, but brandishing a weapon is a bridge too far. She doesn’t carry it to school, does she?[/quote]

It really wasn’t like that. It was like a Swiss Army knife. The fact that it was a bridge too far was exactly why she did it. She was trying to get a reaction out of me. [/quote]

NP. You are living this situation, and are therefore too close to it to see how dysfunctional and not normal it is. The knife, and ALL knives in your home (yes the kitchen ones too) need to be locked up. Now. I have a friend who has a combination lock on her knife cabinet (they can't go in the drawers because they have to be able to be locked). When they need a knife they open the combination lock, get the knife and close the lock, use the knife, wash the knife, then re-open the combination lock to put the knife away and then lock it again. Yes its inconvenient and frustrating, and it is necessary for them to keep their home safe. You need to do that too until your daughter is stable.

You also need to find a therapist for yourself, and a family therapist that will work with all of you. Individual therapy did not work for my son who went through a violent period - because there was no accountability for trying the coping strategies they talked about. In family therapy there was an accountability mechanism, which was absolutely critical to seeing an improvement in his behavior, and also our relationships. She also probably needs medication - the next time she flies off the handle like that you may need to hospitalize her to get appropriate treatment. We had to, and it was hard and heartbreaking and by far the worst parenting decision I've ever had to make. And...it was the only way to be taken seriously in a broken system that thinks if you're managing at home that everything must be fine or close to it.[/quote]

+1000000 
Scissors, razor blades, all sorts of weapons. Appeasement is not your solution. 
 [/quote]

Pulling a knife on a parent?  How can this be explained away?    [/quote]

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