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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, I have a DD who can get similarly dysregulated. In my experience, the best thing to do with the name calling and anger is to completely ignore it. Give it no positive or negative reaction at all. Engage with her only when she speaks kindly. Threats of violence, however, are another level and you have to draw a clear line in the sand, don’t excuse, “well it was just a pocketknife.” There needs to be an immediate consequence and you need to enforce it every single time that happens or it will escalate. Have a follow up discussion with her, tell her that is where you draw the line and let her know the consequence. In our case, it was zero electronics for 24 hours, including for homework. We cut it off via the router so there was no physical struggle.

It would be helpful for you to have a parent therapist who specializes in disruptive behavior to guide you through things like this. Your DD is a good kid, but her anxiety or OCD or whatever is driving this behavior will continue to ramp up without guardrails and treatment. We saw therapists at Behavior Therapy Center in Silver Spring who were very helpful.[/quote]

OP here.  Not sure what the right answer is, but I am always walking a thin line with DD and choosing carefully about what battles to fight with her.  Because every little thing can become a battle with her.  Right now I'm prioritizing her health - sleep and eating is the number one priority.

I know she doesn't mean it - is it helpful at this juncture to choose to turn that into another point of conflict?  For someone who is so oppositional with us, she is actually very much a rules follower and fears getting in trouble for things.

Believe me, I have tried giving her consequences for that kind of behavior.  It always escalates the situation. [/quote]

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