Reply to Waiving child support for primary custody

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have not read these responses

You earn fine. Congratulations and I bet you work hard.  My response: The conflict will age you.  I think you are circling around the right choice. Make a deal. I actually would advise trying to make the parenting very even and balanced out of the gate. Beginnings matter. Build a good foundation for the rest of your parenthood…

[b]My only advice now is figure out how to make the person you married content post-marriage. It will make your life easier.[/b]  That’s a project in itself.

—From Experience [/quote]

Yikes, as someone who did the bold for a good 10-15 years, I do disagree. Orienting myself around making placating divorced Dad was a time, money and energy-suck. I had no control over him and all that was energy wasted.

It also was a bad example for my kids. It taught them not to have boundaries for themselves. Only when the kids started seeing a therapist did they have someone who told them it was OK to say NO.

I would figure out how to disconnect yourself from STBXDH. Parallel parent don’t co-parent. What happens at his house is his responsibility and if the kids are unhappy with him, that is a problem for him to solve.

Grey rock him. Do not tell him anything about your life. Tell him what is necessary for the logistics and safety of the kids, but beyond that, it’s his job to develop a relationship with the kids so that they tell him stuff about their inner lives.

Stop doing the labor for your co-parent. Do the labor for yourself and your kids instead. That is your best investment. [/quote]

Your life is separate from your kids lives.  He does not need to know about your life, nor do you need to know about his.  However you both share kids and you need to co-parent.  You are the problem.[/quote]

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