Reply to Parents getting upset about any group invitation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers.  I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum.  I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends.  - mom of teens [/quote]

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.[/quote]

You are bananas.  OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged.  I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something.  That is psycho [/quote]

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?[/quote]

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons.  This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David.  I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited).  I just say, no, I’m not.  I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me.  It’s not a big deal.  [/quote]

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.[/quote]

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation.  I don’t know anyone that that would do that [/quote]

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.[/quote]

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.[/quote]

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with. [/quote]

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?[/quote]

You sound like the queen bee of your neighborhood clique, justifying why you can’t be inclusive. 
[/quote]

The exact opposite. I’m an older mom whose friends’ children are much older. However, my kids are frequently included.[/quote]

Of course your kids are included. The lack of empathy in here is stunning.[/quote]

They’re included, in part, because I don’t demand or expect anything of parents whose kids are not their friends.

If you keep criticizing people you want things from, especially when you can’t or won’t offer anything in return, you’ll not get them. Is this not obvious?[/quote]

Lady, a neighbor observing that parents of her kids friends have formed a neighborhood clique that also results creates an exclusive socializing environment for the kids, and that some of the parents are oblivious to this is not criticizing the parents. Some people are not going to notice this, especially if they’re included in the clique. PP is just taking steps to make sure that her daughter can still be included. You keep posting that your younger child is included by the much older children of your friends. Do you think that your child is the actual friend of those kids, or that they just include them because their parents told them too? This happens frequently, especially in neighborhood cliques. There are countless posts about neighborhood cliques and being excluded. You’re just justifying your own actions. [/quote]

No, my child is not included by the much older children of my friends. They're much older!

My child is included by my child's friends. I do not expect or demand that their much younger mothers include me. Why would they?

If the daughter is friends with the other girls, it's perfectly appropriate to reach out and coordinate. The other parents likely welcome it.

If the daughter is not friends with the other girls, and the mom is not friends with the other moms, then both are better served finding their own friends.[/quote]

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