Reply to Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]ROFR is an invitation for conflict. He knows when you travel, you know when he travels, inevitably someone holds the parent’s work schedule over their head. My sister’s ex was so vindictive about ROFR that she ended up having to leave her (well-paid) job with quarterly overnight travel, to take something much lower paid with less travel. The court did not impute income, so child support went up.

I would leave it out completely. But if you need to put it in:

1. I would allow grandparent care before ROFR kicks in (assuming the relationship with the child is good and grandma is competent). Routine is important for kids, friends, schools, coaches, etc. If Larla usually sleeps at Mom’s house on Tuesday night, I would try to keep Larla sleeping at Mom’s house on Tuesday nights, even if that means Grandma is the adult in the house.
2. I would require mandatory swap time for work travel, within 30 days. So if Dad has Wednesday/Thursday, and he has to travel, and mom takes ROFR, Dad should get the next Monday/Tuesday. You want to incentivize both parents to achieve their full earning capacity, and courts really want kids to have regular access to both parents. If the travel becomes excessive (ie, Dad is missing weeks of parenting at a time, despite offered swaps), then you look at the parenting schedule.
3. I would not require swap time for personal travel on a 50/50 schedule. Dad can schedule his trips with his new girlfriend on his time.
4. Eventually there might be stepparents. I personally would not add stepparents to list of pre-ROFR list unless both parents agree. I think it opens up too much risk (mostly of accusation and conflict, but also perhaps harm).
5. Set your ROFR hours for overnights: six hours between 10 pm and 6 am, similar. You want to be able to get a short-term sitter (or stepparent in this case) if you have a work dinner or early meeting, without disrupting the child’s schedule. You also don’t want to fight about if before/after school care or activities count as being unable to parent.
6. Set an age at which this expires, probably around 16.
7. Set an exclusion for sleepovers and summer sleep away camp after age 10 (or whatever you are comfortable with). You want your child to be able to attend sleepaway camp if that’s what they want to do, without the other parent saying they will take the kid that week, since you are unable.

Basically, ROFR kicks in when the custodial parent or grandparent is unable to care for the child for six hours between 10 pm and 6 am because of work travel, until the child is 16. Sleepovers, sports/activity travel, and summer camp for the child does not require ROFR.[/quote]

I disagree with the compensating time unless OP wants that. Dad here is pushing an unrealistic schedule because he knows he travels regularly for work. Compensating time would be destabilizing for the kids and make it hard for OP to plan. The better result would be dad getting a smaller amount of custody time to reflect that his job requirements are incompatible with 50% custody. [/quote]

Sure. But digging in costs OP money. Just propose something with reasonable and explicit boundaries and move on. Give him a chance to fail and then go back for modification.[/quote]

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