Reply to AITA? Coworker meal train

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[quote=Anonymous]It’s always nice to do a little something to help people.

But when these sort of things pop up at work, then it sometimes feels obligatory…and it can get out of hand.

I’d prefer to focus on that angle rather than evaluate this through a political or religious lens.

As a senior staff with a lot of direct reports plus tons of broader team members, I’m really over it when it comes to constantly passing the hat to chip in for food, gifts, etc. for birthdays, work anniversaries, babies, weddings, death in the family, etc. Add on the obligatory holiday gifts plus other holiday parties and it’s just too much.

It’s one thing for the office to host something. That’s always nice and it prevents staff from having to shell out money. It makes sense to do a nice send-off for longtime staff who retire or move on to a better opportunity (note: longtime staff…not Dave who bounced after 2 or 3 years; you can take him out for a drink after work if you like, but the entire office need not grind to halt to eat cake and give him an Amazon gift card). And if someone wants to bake a cake or bring in some cupcakes or donuts for a birthday, that’s always nice. But do we really need to circulate a birthday or work anniversary card with a note that Jan is collecting money for a cake and gift?

Why are people celebrating birthdays at work to begin with? And how do people even know your birthday unless you are widely broadcasting it?

Back to babies: a shower for a first time mom on a team of mostly ladies makes sense, but I’m not sure it needs to be a big deal. If you aren’t invited to the real shower, then you probably shouldn’t feel obligated to throw one at the office and make people feel obligated to buy a real gift.

Now onto meal trains: we do these when colleagues are battling cancer or have surgery. It’s optional and largely entails collecting money for meal delivery rather than actual cooking. Practically speaking, everyone lives in different parts of the dc metro area (including VA and MD suburbs with some commuting by train from far flung areas). As someone who received a meal train, I honestly would have preferred a simple flower delivery rather than a bunch of random meal delivery gift cards that required me to write multiple thank you cards and buy stamps to mail them. Flowers from the office really only requires a group email thank you note.

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