Reply to Where are the wholesome, mainstream kids?

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Reply to "Where are the wholesome, mainstream kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey, OP. Your son sounds a lot like my rising junior.

He's very social - a huge extrovert - but not very interested in drinking, partying, and getting into trouble. He also loves sports.

His friend group has shifted and changed since the end of 8th grade. Some in that group splintered off into more drinking/drugs/partying while some disappeared into niche interests, as you put it, and became less social. So the friend group shrunk and grew and evolved. Some of those in the current group have been friends since middle school, but new kids have been added. My son's idea of a a great night with friends this summer has been hanging out at someone's swim club (playing pickleball, pool basketball, etc) and then heading to someone's house to watch a movie. He has a group of 10-12 friends but a smaller group of 2-3 boys that he can really talk to about big things. About half the boys in this group are excellent students and the other half are good students. Most play a sport although they aren't really the stars of the basketball or football team - these guys are wrestlers, cross country runners, tennis players, and a basketball player or baseball player or two as well.

The advice I would give to your son is to start off high school being really open to lots of experiences and people. And my advice to you is to facilitate new friends/groups as much as possible. If he's doing a group project in a class -- offer to host them for pizza one night while they work and see if the schoolwork bleeds into a trip to ice cream or something. Push him to find the pickup basketball games. I have found in high school that rec basketball becomes a really big thing for the boys - tons of them do it and have a total blast. Offer to take him and a friend or two to King's Dominion in the fall. Host the fantasy football draft party.

I also agree with other posters that these types of kids are often very busy. A summer job lifeguarding or fall/winter basketball/flag football refereeing can introduce him to other kids too.

IMO, new friendships in the later teen years (and adulthood) are borne out of shared experience. My son became good friends with some kids through a class that had a huge project that they worked on together for months, sports teams, fantasy football, and his job. Push your son to do some things like that and he will find his people.

Good luck!

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