Reply to NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a woman I do not relate to this article at all. There’s another article I could write with the same title but it’s quite different and focuses on the wanting (an action by women).

The wanting here does not seem to be for relationships but rather just a consistent fork?[/quote]

Yeah, this woman doesn't really seem interested in creating a life with another person. She sounds like a classic narcissist who views other people as a means to getting her needs met and nothing more.

Like, sorry for the cliche, [b]but marriage (or any longterm partnership) is about compromise. That's actually what makes it special. In a successful longterm relationship, you both learn to let go of your ego for the sake of the partnership[/b]. This is very powerful. It is not possible to make this happen on a short-term basis (it's the longevity of the commitment that makes a marriage what it is) and it won't be successful if one or both partners always puts themselves first.

But then, who would take relationship advice from a divorced mom who can't even figure out if she wants to be monogamous or not? There's just no point.[/quote]

Men are very, very infrequently expected to make compromises in marriage. [b]They (statistically, not anecdotally)  leave when their spouses become ill, [/b]are excused for cheating if their wife isn’t conventionally attractive or gains weight, and are praised like heroes for taking on the most basic household tasks and certainly are never expected to take any career hits in pursuit of family goals. So your advice while likely accurate rarely has to do with men.[/quote]

The main study that showed that was retracted: https://retractionwatch.com/2015/07/21/to-our-horror-widely-reported-study-suggesting-divorce-is-more-likely-when-wives-fall-ill-gets-axed/[/quote]
And multiple new studies replaced it showing the same thing. [/quote]

Link to them for me?[/quote]
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer

This article links a few of the different ones.

It should also be noted, the other study was retracted due to a calculation error, but most of the data was still solid.[/quote]

That article cites two studies. The 2015 retracted study and a 2009 study. That isn't "multiple new studies" it's the retracted study and one older study. The rest of it is anecdotes.

The 2015 study was retracted due to a serious coding error which led to erroneous conclusions. They were miscoding people who left the study as getting divorced. The republished study found no statistically significant gender difference except in the case of heart disease. That's a BIG difference from what was originally published (and reported) (and quite possibly random).

The 2009 study was much smaller (515 people, around 50 divorces, total). Why would you trust the results of a tiny study when a much larger study couldn't replicate those results?

How we use data in these conversations is important. If you state that men "statistically" leave when their partners are ill, on the basis of two contradictory studies, you're not describing the data honestly. This is especially true when the original study made huge headlines, but not the retraction.[/quote]

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