Reply to Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?

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Reply to "Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- thanks for all your thoughts. I know DCUM can be a wild place, but I really do think we have a cool corner of the internet that skews towards educated, kind people sans the trolls.

While I have the attention of a bunch of interested intelligent brains, here's my entire thought process on the house/the finances. I'm very open to feedback.

We bought the house for $339k at 2.75% when we were 26. The escrow all in is $2400 per month. The mortgage balance is around $220k. The house is currently worth around $575k and current rates are 6-7%.

His tiny 2bed/1ba apartment is $2100 per month and that was the cheapest we could find around here.

The house has a lower level (not fully underground) that can be configured two ways depending on where a door is put up. Half of the lower level could be sectioned off to create an apartment with 1 bedroom, 1 full bath, kitchen, and large living/dining space. This could rent for around $1500-1750. The whole lower level is 2 bedrooms, 1 full bath, laundry room, 2 large family rooms, and kitchen totaling around ~1800sqft. This could rent for around $2000-$2200 per month conservatively.

The house is in a fantastic school district. My oldest is thriving with a 504 and IEP. I am within 15 mins from ALL of my extended family and lifelong best friends. My longest friend lives directly across the street with her same age kids. Stbxh is walkabe. All this to say it has been so good for my mental health and the kids to have our extended support network here and their parents walkable to one another.

Also, I got a new job (signed yesterday!!) that will be a 24% raise in salary plus good bonus opportunities. I start Sept 2nd. It's a really good career step in general.

My other option is to sell the house, move further away (and if he can't drive-thinking about my kids here not him), have my kids change schools and daycare, leave my support network, and be in a small apartment for a similar monthly cost in a worse school district, but would have an additional $125k or so from the sale of the house.

Daycare ends in Aug 2026 and will free up $1100 per month for me.

This is why our original plan was to keep co-owning the house with a clause that said if I go delinquent on even one payment it'd have to go on the market and he'd have to give me 1 year notice if he needed me to buy the house from him or sell it because he wanted to pursue qualifying for another mortgage on his own.

Again, lots of info and nuances but interested if the consensus is still to sell and move away? Thank you, I really appreciate you all throughout this whole stupid saga.[/quote]

Dp. Do not move away. That support network is worth $$$

[/quote]

+1. Do not move away. Not only is your support network important, but keeping other things stable in your kid’s life is helpful.

Honestly, your DH has made some terrible choices and has to accept the consequences - which may be that he lets you stay in the house even if that is not to his financial benefit.  Also, the housing market is terrible right now and will stay terrible for a couple more years. It’s better financially for both of you to just keep the house and see if you could refinance in 5 years.[/quote]

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