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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's only a good idea if you're very realistic, and even then it's a giant pain.  If you truly enjoy teenagers and don't want your own kids, it's easier.  But you have to understand, teenagers are a giant pain.  They're moody.  They're resentful and rude.  They damage the car and they make stupid mistakes that cost tons of money.  Big kids, big problems.  And that's the case even with the best parents and happiest intact families.  It's way worse if they've been through the trauma of a bad marriage, a divorce, and joint custody.  It's way worse if they're watching another kid get their dad full-time while they get half.

Understand that teenagers' activities are time-consuming and expensive.  Really understand what travel sports involve.  What little savings I have after paying the orthodontist, youth orchestra has efficiently removed from my bank account.  Don't expect they'll care much about you, your preferences, your family, and your children.  Don't think you're just so delightful and you make their father sooooo happy that they'll agree to give up their activities so you can afford expensive classes for your toddler.  Understand that you are choosing for your children to have older siblings.  You are choosing for your future baby to be child #3 or 4 or whatever of its father, it's not the same amount of attention that a first child would receive.  It can be a lonely life, being home with the little kids while the dad deals with the bigs.

You have zero control over what happens with the kids' other parent and other household, but you'll be expected to be cordial and cooperative and plan your schedules to be compatible.  If something bad happens in the other house or the parenting is bad, you'll feel the impact.  If the other parent is unable to care for the kids, they'll be yours full-time.  If they get on bad terms with their other parent, they'll be yours full-time, or you'll destroy the relationship if you turn them away.  Teenagers don't respect custody agreements.

And if you're considering marrying someone significantly older than yourself, that's a whole nother ball of wax.  A lot of men genuinely want to marry and love all of their kids, but there just isn't enough energy, time, or money to go around, and the women end up frustrated and overworked. 
 I would suggest you check out this thread for a reality check:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/998487.page[/quote]

This is very good advice. I consider myself s sort of step mom - I live with my partner and his kids, but we have not remarried because legally and financially that would be disadvantageous to all of us. (Financial aid, how the taxes would work out, etc). I also just don't want to deal with sharing finances. Anyway, I met him in my mid forties and consider myself too old to have my own bio kids. No. Way. would I recommend any single childless woman under, say 45, move in with or marry someone with kids. Keep looking for someone without kids.[/quote]

I read the entire linked thread that is the "reality check." For those of you just tuning in, here is the takeaway from the OP of that thread (a then-38-year-old second wife married to a 52-year old man who had adult children from a prior marriage; she and her 52 year old DH had a 2-year-old at the time of her posting, and she was wondering if she should have a second child with him):

"Op here. The problems are all of the above. It's DH, his adult children, our ages, and the fact that I was 100% unrealistic about stepfamilies when I married in. [b]Why would any realistic, attractive, professionally successful woman in her thirties who had other options marry a man who is 14 years older and already has an entire family including children and a difficult ex wife? That is a choice someone who is unrealistically in love makes. [/b]You're right, we're probably heading toward divorce, and I'm probably thinking about a second child because I know it shouldn't happen for us and that makes me sad."[/quote]

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