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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I met my DH in my mid-twenties; he was in his early thirties with a seven year old daughter. It was quickly apparent to me that his ex was a trainwreck. What was supposed to be joint custody was really DH being the primary parent by far. Still, I was good with it and totally charmed by the little girl taking my hand our second  time meeting and telling me she wanted me to be her mommy. I married my handsome, funny, smart DH and all was great, except for occasional  conflict with the bio mom. We had a DS and then four years later DS2, a bit of a surprise.

DH was killed in a car accident before he turned forty. Just one of those things you'd never expect. There was a split second where it seemed DD1 would return to the woman who birthed her, but she hadn't gotten her life in any better shape: problems with alcohol, keeping a job, questionable relationships. I ended up with full custody against the advice of some of my family. But the younger kids and I couldn't spare her. There were some rough patches with DD1's grief and adjustment, but she is a good and smart person, and truly a wonderful daughter and big sister. I couldn't be prouder of how she's conducted her life.

Yet in my widowhood, I've been very reticent to consider marriage. I do have a gentleman friend (I love that term) who feels similarly after surviving a divorce. I don't want to blend families. I like the one I have. It's possible I may feel differently when I have a fully empty next one day in the future, but for now all I want is some measure of peace and contentment.[/quote]
So sorry for your loss PP. Seems like you are handling all these complexities with grace.[/quote]

That would be my concern marrying someone with a young kid. I wouldn’t want to be their parent if my spouse dies.[/quote]

Oh my.  I married a man with kids.  I was so worried that if he died, I wouldn’t get to continue to be a part of the kids’ lives.  That’s a big difference.  Luckily they’re all old enough now that our relationship doesn’t depend on their biological parents.  I love them, think they are delightful, and would never seek to displace their mom.  But I am an adult who loves them and their dad with everything I have.  I also understand that in some circumstances that’s not enough, but it’s not nothing, and they know that I have put everything on the line for them.[/quote]

This is awful. I guess it’s honest. But I wouldn’t want to date or marry someone who felt that way about me and my kids. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend not only would be devastated if I died, but that he’d crumble if he lost his relationship with my kids. [/quote]

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