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[quote=Anonymous]NP, different perspective.

My father is a functioning alcoholic. He can get emotionally abusive (not as much now) when he drinks. He only drinks at night because he says alcoholics drink all the time, he does not believe he has a problem.

I have a lot of trauma related to alcohol, growing with an alcoholic dad was emotionally destabilizing. If you fight when he drinks, please note that your kids will hear you, even if you think your kids are sleeping. I heard my parents fight many times. My father never got physical but the emotional abuse towards my mom was just as traumatizing. In order to not make things worse, we (the kids) had to act like we didn’t see or hear anything.

As a consequence, all the kids left home as soon as they could. 2 of us never drink and the other 2 became alcoholics. I am glad my mom didn’t leave him because I was so afraid of my dad when he drank. I can’t imagine having to go to his house if they had shared custody and having to deal with him being drunk. We would lock ourselves in our rooms (but he never came for us) and I knew my mom would protect us.

I have kids now, I know I need to go back to counseling because if my kids end up drinking I think I am going to spiral.

I have no idea what is the answer, divorce or not. The kids will eventually know no matter what you do. For me, I know my mom suffered a lot but I am glad she was always there for me and my siblings.

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