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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Interesting. Both of my grandmas were the matriarchs indeed as well, but they were, I don't know how to say it, GOOD matriarchs. My FOO is in Europe and both grandpas died during WWII, so the grandmas had to manage by themselves and were very resourceful. It was a very difficult time for them. Both grandmas were reasonable, loving, and always had good advice to give. It's more of like a person enters the room and they're respected, such were my grandmas. My mom and MIL on the other hand don't fill these shoes at all. It's as if they lack the personality, wisdom, and indeed the emotional maturity that is required. I can never imagine either of my grandmas behaving in the way I've seen my mom and MIL behave. [/quote]

I find a lot of truth in this. Our great grandma was so accepting and loving, and gave awesome advice (when asked). Current situation is a mom and a MIL who have a “me me me!” mindset about everything. It’s like babysitting a toddler - I put so much effort in trying not to upset them and keeping them distracted if they don’t get their way.[/quote]

This is interesting. We had matriarchs too, but they both grandmas were just as bad as my mother and my husband's grandma's were just as bad as his mother. The thing is both our mothers had the 'me,me,me" mindset from the get go, they just hid it better in their youth. Both his mother and mine also are highly manipulative and with age struggle far more with empathy. We too find is draining walking on eggshells.

We both have suggested volunteer work to mom since they have so much free time to stew in pity. My mother said something like "why would I volunteer to help others? People should be doing things for me!" My MIL tried it once and called a local newspaper to cover it! She got her hair done before and wore lots of makeup. She posed with the homeless. She needed as many people as possible to know she once tried to help someone else.[/quote]

My grandma was also quite selfish. I think it's just age making you not care anymore about niceties. LOL at volunteering because my mom said exactly the same thing! She moved here to be near grandkids.
"I don't even know what day it is. I have nothing to do and I don't have any friends in this area."
"Why don't you volunteer at (thrift shop). All the ladies there are your age and you'll have someone to talk to."
"I'm not working for free unless it's for the family. Plus I don't like getting up early." This is a wealthy lady who rises at noon every day. She also admonished me for donating blood because "you need ALL your blood and who knows what kind of lowlife is getting it."[/quote]

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