Reply to How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm extremely anxious and type A and I knew that if I only had one kid it would put way too much pressure on my "one perfect child."  We have three which enables me to more evenly distribute my neuroses among them rather than piling it all on one kid.   [/quote]

Yes, I hear so many people say, "With one, we can devote all of our love, time, resources, money, etc. to this one child ..." and I hear that and think, "Eesh, that's a reason to have another right there!!!"[/quote]

I think people who say this tend to be people who just want less stress. Like they are the opposite of the Type A moms upthread who felt they needed to have 3 kids to spread their intensity around. They are not Type A and will feel burdened by the demands of multiple kids so prefer an only because it's easier to meet the needs of an only and still have something left over.

IME people who are confidently one and done tend to know themselves quite well and have recognized their limits. Even if you don't envy their family set up, I think you should be able to appreciate their ability to know what is right for themselves.[/quote]

Oh for sure! And I should have qualified that--FOR ME, it would be a reason to have another! I would be way too intense with one kid. (I might be a little too intense with two kids, but that is all we can handle, I think!)[/quote]

I’m another mom who is grateful she has multiple kids because I’d be way too intense as a mom of one (we have 4).  It’s not just the divided resources - it’s knowing that nature is powerful and your kids are who they are regardless of what you do.  I’m sure there are parents of onlies who intuitively get that, but that would not be me (and was not me when I had one kid).  I needed to see at least 2 different kids to stop trying so hard to mold them.[/quote]

You would learn with one as well, honestly. I think it's a stereotype that parents of onlies are more helicopter-y or try to control more but it has not been my experience. Your kid teaches you that they are their own person and you learn because otherwise parenting is too hard. It's a natural part of watching your kid go from being a baby/toddler to being an older kid who has opinions of their own, is capable of a ton more independence, and can assert themselves.

I was a pretty anxious/intense parent when my kid was really little and starting in about kindergarten I was like "oh I need to learn to let some stuff go" and I did and grew as a person. Now my kid is in late elementary and it's really liberating to realize that she has to figure out a lot of stuff herself and my job isn't to micromanage her life but to provide guidance, information, scaffolding along the way. Turns out it's great letting your kid go a bit.[/quote]

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