Reply to How/why do people have a second (or more?!?!) child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm extremely anxious and type A and I knew that if I only had one kid it would put way too much pressure on my "one perfect child."  We have three which enables me to more evenly distribute my neuroses among them rather than piling it all on one kid.   [/quote]

Yes, I hear so many people say, "With one, we can devote all of our love, time, resources, money, etc. to this one child ..." and I hear that and think, "Eesh, that's a reason to have another right there!!!"[/quote]

I think people who say this tend to be people who just want less stress. Like they are the opposite of the Type A moms upthread who felt they needed to have 3 kids to spread their intensity around. They are not Type A and will feel burdened by the demands of multiple kids so prefer an only because it's easier to meet the needs of an only and still have something left over.

IME people who are confidently one and done tend to know themselves quite well and have recognized their limits. Even if you don't envy their family set up, I think you should be able to appreciate their ability to know what is right for themselves.[/quote]

I respect anyone who has the right number of kids for themselves and is a good parent. The poster here who talked about having one kid smugly asserted that they thought having more than one kid would weaken the parent child relationship and I think that’s what people reacted to.

Also one of the people I know with an only child (by choice) is extremely type A. They couldn’t take the stress that parenting placed on their career and marriage. Good for them for stopping at one and enjoying their kid, but def not a type A vs type B thing. [/quote]

That comment about thinking that having a second child would make the relationship with her only "less special" was indeed smug but no more smug than many of the comments from parents of more kids talking about how a sibling is the "best thing you can give your child" or how having 3 or more kids was easy for them because they are rich or how people who have negative relationships with siblings are extreme outliers or must be super needy. These are all super judgmental, smug comments, but apparently they are fine. One mom of an only said one smug thing and it's a witch hunt.

Don't dish it if you can't take it.[/quote]

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