Reply to Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. [b]I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of.[/b] I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. [b]The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing. 
[/b]
He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that. [/quote]

Again, no no no. [b]You need to stop being his wife![/b] He's not being your husband so STOP doing more than half of things unless you're fairly compensated. You say oh, I'm already driving-- okay, but overall the load of parenting time and work is MASSIVELY shifting in your direction-- so it's okay for him to take on more of the driving. Stop giving up what's owed to you because you think it will keep the peace-- it doesn't work that way. You can't keep any peace with a man like this-- that's why you're divorcing! What you can do is look out for your kids' best interests by having strong boundaries and being financially stable.

You also need to think more long-term. Your kids will grow, they will have more activities, and it will be really hard on you to do all the driving. Have you even thought about what your oldest child is doing for the summer and what that commute will be like? Be careful what you're signing up for and what precedents you set.[/quote]

I'm taking this to heart, truly. And you can probably tell what the issues were in my marriage. [/quote]

Good-- I don't mean to be overly harsh to you, but I do want to wake you up. Women all too often overestimate the amount of consideration and collaboration they can expect from their ex, and it sets them up for some very real hardships.

Try to think that what's best for your kids is a father who is a *parent*. Not a fun guy they visit in their leisure time. A parent who handles the boring stuff and the difficult stuff, the homework and the doctor appointments and the sick days and everything. A parent who takes responsibility and doesn't try to dump everything on his ex. The more you do for him, the more you stay his dutiful and considerate wife, the more you treat his job as sacrosanct and super-important, the less he will step up as an actual parent. Boundaries are good and healthy here. [/quote]

I don't think you're being harsh, I think you're being honest. And maybe I'm sounding like more of a Pollyanna than I am. I'm really not, I want everything in writing and trusts to protect them from another wife, which I'm sure he'll quickly acquire because he can't take care of his own life. College is 90% funded and he can't have any more kids. What I really want is 50% of the proceeds of the house when it's sold someday. [/quote]

… and 50% of all other assets too right?[/quote]

You need to what what you're entitled to. The full amount. Giving up money won't make him treat you better! Growing a spine might actually improve your parenting relationship.

You could get sick. He could get sick. A kid could get sick. He could remarry. He could die. Your parents could get really high-maintenance. All manner of bad stuff can happen and it's foolish to jeopardize your kids' financial security trying to appease a man who is dumping you. It won't work. Protect yourself.

[/quote]

This.

He could spiral a la Bob Lee.

Lawyer and financial planner, OP.
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