Reply to PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas

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Reply to "PSA- Yes, you are a jerk if you don't invite your older parents to Christmas"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So much imagined “abuse” reimagined these days, with the help of social media. It’s such an effective conversation ender !! (Hey Emily, why don’t you ever see your - - -  Just stop right there, Caitlin. I cut off my ____ because s/he ABUSED ME!!!!!   Caitlin: oh.)

And the possibilities are endless when absolutely everything now qualifies as “abuse” and its running buddy, “violence.”[/quote]

Yes!!! Exactly. There are no perfect parents. Under the new lens, everybody can look back and revisit the horrific abuse and violence they suffered because nobody had a proper childhood and nobody was a perfect parent or a perfect parent now. I hope my beautiful children are never infected with this insidious poison And instead have a relationship with us like we have with my parents and in-laws. I am the previous poster, whose parents suffered a lot with alcoholism and other horrible issues, but they were able to heal and move on and so was I and we have an amazing relationship that enriches the lives of my children in my life. Thankful.[/quote]

There are no perfect parents but if your kids get to adulthood and don't want to spend time with you, or if they do want to spend time with you but don't want to do it over Christmas, and your response is to freak out and call them selfish jerks, then you have an unhealthy relationship dynamic and that's on you.

You don't need to be able to claim abuse or trauma to just be like "ugh, spending time with these people makes me miserable." Some of you are advocating for people to just trudge through family obligations every single holiday season purely out of obligation. I think a lot of people do this and then one day wake up and say "wait, why?"

I limit time with my dad in part because he is so unbelievably rude to me. He barely talks to me, takes zero interest in my life, doesn't remember basic facts about me. He will literally turn his back to me to talk to my DH because he thinks men are interesting and women aren't. I don't consider myself traumatized by this -- I just don't like it. I also hate the message it sends to my DD, who he also takes no interest in. For my sake and hers, I choose not to share holidays with him. I haven't cut him out of my life, I just don't ruin my own holidays by subjecting myself to this treatment just so he can feel included.

If he wanted lots of holiday invites, he might have taken any of the feedback he's received in the last 60 years about his behavior from a variety of people including me, and made an effort to become a more kind and agreeable person, at least to his daughter. He didn't make that effort, so why should I pay for it? See you next summer, Dad.[/quote]

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