Reply to Why don’t parents just cut stand-offish adult children out of their will?

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Reply to "Why don’t parents just cut stand-offish adult children out of their will?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had wonderful parents but absolutely did not expect a dime from them.

The posters on here have extreme entitlement. [/quote]

You don't understand, but you judge. Usually parents who play games with wills have been controlling and emotionally abusive with their children from the start. I expected nothing from my parents and had a close relationship with my father who passed. My mother had some abusive tendencies, but he always shut that down. After he passed I tried to be helpful to her and the games began. She would inform me she was funding private school for my sister's kids and was thinking of buying my brother a new car. These proclamations were happening on a regular basis as she got a glimmer in her eye desperately wanting to cause some pain. I set major boundaries, made it clear she could spend her money how she wished, but it was cruel to keep bringing this up. Then she started giving handouts to a cousin who recklessly would spend on luxury vacations and other things and ended up in debt. Meanwhile mom was accepting free labor from us.

When you interact with a kind and decent person, there isn't this constant mention of how they play favorites with everyone, but you. You can simply enjoy their time. You don't expect anything material from them, the gift is the relationship. When you interact with a disturbed person who is desperate to control the relationship feels transactional, fake, and miserable and there is this constant need for the person to try to dangle carrots. You don't need the carrot and you didn't expect the carrot, but it is disgusting for a parent to make a big deal about how everyone but you will get this carrot/cookie whatever.

Then some poster on the DCUM says well you are so entitled to expect it. People expect their parents to be emotionally mature and decent human beings and the way they try to control whether it's with money or other manipulations is just another manifestation of the BS you dealt with growing up. It's not about the money as much as it is about expecting your parents to be decent people and not play these games.[/quote]
Some of us are quietly leaving an unequal division for a variety of valid reasons. We aren’t using inheritance as a cudgel or carrot. I suspect you believe that a child is  entitled to an inheritance no matter what they do, and no matter how needs may differ amongst children. [/quote]

That's great as long as you are ok with your kids never speaking to each other again.[/quote]

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