Reply to Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently

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[quote=Anonymous]I know a family where the dynamic is the opposite -- the adopted child is singled out as the special one who needs more and must be treated better because she was adopted at 3 from a pretty bad situation. I understand why this is happening and I think everyone's intentions are good but I also think it is creating weird dynamics with the kids and could result in some not great relationships as they get older. I really try to treat all the kids with the same level of kindness and respect when I interact with the family. And I make a point of not singling out or paying special attention to the adoptive DD because not only do I think this might be a bummer for her siblings but I also think it has led to her feeling very self-conscious and "othered" in a lot of settings.

I think it's a tricky situation and hard to get exactly right. I'm glad she's not being neglected or treated as less than -- no one deserves that. And her siblings aren't being neglected either. But I think it preserves a division between them that probably isn't healthy even if it's well meaning.[/quote]

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