Reply to Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently

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Reply to "Adoptive parents that treat their biological child and adopted child differently"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a 15 year old thread and hopefully there have been some improvements in understanding the complex needs of adoptive children since then.

We have both and we have tried so hard to treat them equally but it may not always look that way on the surface.

They are very different people and what worked with bio DC has not worked with adopted DC.

Adopted DC has required much more help and has had many more struggles. We try to support those needs but not always successfully.

Plus All adopted children have some kind of trauma. There are not many therapists who are trained in helping youth with complex adoption traumas. But there is now special training for therapists to help adoptive children and parents.

Also there are big differences between domestic (mostly open) and international adoptions (mostly closed and often interracial).  International adoptions have dramatically
Reduced. I imagine since overturning Roe v Wade that there will be many more children available for adoption domestically.

Also Many adoptees have learning differences or special needs of some kind which can require extra supports.

So I agree that parents should not treat bio and adoptive DC differently where possible - and definitely all children need to feel that they are unconditionally loved. [/quote]

All adopted kids do not have trauma.  Maybe your parenting is to play.  My child joined our family through adoption and is not my adopted child.  Your post makes me so sad for this child.  [/quote]

I disagree. Losing your biological family is inherently traumatic. This doesn’t mean adoptees can’t be healthy, happy people but the significant loss they experienced can’t be glossed over [/quote]

You are projecting your feelings onto others. Not everyone feels like you do.  Maybe all your issues have caused issues with your child since you never bonded with them as you are the one with the adoption issues. And, not all kids lose their birth families. That’s on you for a closed adoption.  We talk to our child’s family, who are also now our family at least a few times a month, sometimes a lot more.

I haven’t talked to my family in at least a year.    It’s been the best choice I made.  Biology doesn’t always mean love. [/quote]

I’ve never adopted but I think modern thought around the issue is that adoption does inherently mean the child has lost something- living with their biological family. This is traumatic on some level. And, you are right, biology doesn’t always mean love and it’s deeply painful to have not been loved by your biological parents (not that this is always or even often the case re why a child is given up for adoption)

I work with adopted kids and many of them love their families and are happy functional people but it can be very damaging for families who adopt to deny the complexities around being adopted.[/quote]

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