Reply to What's the best elder model to unburden our own children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess it's like fraternity hazing...I had to deal with it with my parents, so guess what kids, you will deal with the same shit with me.[/quote]

This is my mom’s philosophy, and I kind of hate her for it. [/quote]

But this is life. My DH was very involved in his mother's care (she died at 100), and yes it was very burdensome even though she and FIL did all the right things: downsizing from house to 55+ community (in their 70s), to a second community closer to us, to assisted living, with lots of swedish death cleaning at every step. FIL was an attorney with absolutely every thing planned for, including a perfectly executed trust and enough money to cover costs (though it was close to running out when MIL died). It was still very burdensome, because caring for someone always is. MIL still needed someone to shop for her, help her with doctors appointments, and simply be there for her. She was bedridden and lonely and needed emotional support a good deal of the time.

Here's the thing that our cold, callous, self-centered culture seems to have forgotten: Elderly people need their families just like children do. There is no way around it, no matter how we try. [/quote]

I agree.  However, my parents refuse to move closer to us (and my sibling doesn't live near them and wouldn't be much help even if they did).  So we did the next best thing and put them into a CCRC (Four Seasons level--top notch) that they love.  Can't force them to move closer (we are 3K miles away and 2 flights). So we get them the best care we can without us being around constantly.  I wish they would move near us, but I cannot force that.  So I visit a few times a year and talk several times per week.  our kids also have been making trips to visit them (they are in college and out on their own).  But this way I know they will be getting the best quality care we can manage from afar
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