Reply to I feel like my hosting is rarely reciprocated.

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Reply to "I feel like my hosting is rarely reciprocated."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I knew from the headline, even before I even clicked on your post, that your kid was an only child, OP. This is just the way it goes for parents of only children, and it's better if you can accept this with grace.

Signed, 
parent of an only child hosts 99.9% of the time[/quote]

Not true at all.

Reciprocity is all about being taught good manners and how to live in polite society.  It is first of all about your socialization, then it is your education and SES level, and it is about being functional in all spheres of your life.

I have two kids.  I host often for both adults and kids and it very rarely get reciprocated.  All parents are happy to send their kids to our place but majority of them are takers and offer zero reciprocation.   But, when there are parents who do reciprocate, then I add them to my inner circle.  For me it is a way to identify takers and givers.  I then nurture those relationships where parents reciprocate because these are mostly people from similar backgrounds.  People raised in poverty do not host because the poverty mindset does not leave them.  It is hard for them to "spend money" or "give something" to others.

Here is why I can host -  functional family, well run household with weekly cleaners, large enough house, home is set up for entertaining,  willingness on our part to spend money/time/effort on others, belonging to a culture where hospitality is ingrained in us, we know how to throw parties, we know how to cook.

I recently hosted some people and they told me that I should not only continue to host them but they cannot reciprocate because their houses are too cluttered for them to host. So,  their dysfunction is real. .

The people who do not reciprocate now will never be able to reciprocate in future also.  You need to know this. Their dysfuntion regarding their household, family dynamics, finances, upbringing, health etc will continue to become worse. [/quote]

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