Reply to How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?

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Reply to "How does a judge decide custody when all the factors to be considered seem equal?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here are some examples of the conflicting coparenting philosophies between the parents.

Mom thinks she should be able to take the child to birthdays, family events, etc during Dad’s parenting time if Dad is working and child would otherwise be spending time with other family, Dad’s girlfriend, at preschool, or other play dates etc arranged by Dad. Dad thinks that Mom should provide the information about the event and Dad can choose to facilitate the child’s attendance or decline the child attending.

Mom thinks she should have right of first refusal so that any time that the child is not with Dad she should be offered the time. This would mean the child transitioning between households several times a week due to Dad’s slightly unconventional work schedule making him unavailable for preschool pickup. Mom thinks it’s unfair that the girlfriend (who is now living with Dad and child) or the Dad’s parent does pickup when Mom is available and would love the extra time. Dad thinks the back and forth would be too disruptive to everyone.

Mom thinks that Mom, Dad, and girlfriend should all spend time together occasionally with the child to show that everyone is amicable and respectful. The child has requested this to Mom. Dad is not interested and insists that he only has a duty to be civil and polite during any brief face to face interactions. He continues to say no to these requests. [/quote]
Is dad's girlfriend doing childcare when mom is available? If so that is weird.

Mom should have right of first refusal but dad has no obligation to spend time with mom socially. [/quote]

OP said the girlfriend lives with them. Not weird at all for a live-in partner to spend time with the child when Dad is unavailable instead of making the kid go back and forth between households. [/quote]

No, a girlfriend doesn't get parenting time when an actual parent is available (within the time frame specified by the plan). This also applies to the mom, so Dad would get parenting time before a boyfriend. [/quote]
I really don't get the reasoning as to why it is less damaging for the kid to hang out with dad's girlfriend over mom for a few hours after school. Dad's gf is basically a stranger. [/quote]

Did you not see that they live together? She is not a stranger in any sense of the word.

Transitions between households can be HARD for little kids. Saying goodbye can be very upsetting. Different rules, expectations, food, routines...it takes time to adjust and going back and forth is stressful for them. There's no reason to make a little kid go through that more than necessary just because Mom hates that her ex's girlfriend gets to spend a couple hours of time with her child, even if it's every day. It's normal and healthy for the two to develop a relationship and bond if the woman will be the child's stepmother.[/quote]

Yep. And if the ex wanted a more fluid arrangement where she could drop in on her daughter during her ex’s time, she kind of destroyed all possibility of that by turning all bunny-boiler. [/quote]

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