Reply to Blended Family Expenses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Demanding 50/50 split for bio kids or household expenses is crazy when you are married. That's something divorced couples do.

In marriage there is give and take, and that includes providing expenses for college aged daughter, even if she isn't your biological daughter. You've been in her life for at least 8 years. However, you both need a firm line with the amount you are paying for college. Expense money (all of it) should come out of a combined pot, even when one spouse adds more to the pot than the other.

I say this as a wife who at times has contributed more and less than my husband. We are a combined unit. [/quote]

This. Why are you splitting money and having separate accounts.  The state views all of your money has joint.

Have you both considered getting second jobs? Marriage is a lot about give and take.  Many times one spouse makes more.

You seem to have a lot of resentment.[/quote]
You're telling a mom of elementary aged kids to get a second job so her 22 year old step kid doesn't have to work while going to college???????????[/quote]
22 y/o is working. [/quote]
From the OP: Step-child works once a week or sometimes once in two weeks to cover their own utilities/groceries. When I mentioned that being in classes three times a week, leaves another three days to work a part-time job…..is met with resentment/silence by spouse.

Sounds like they could easily work 15 hours more a week, they're just too lazy and spoiled. And why would she? Her dad is putting his hand in step mom's pocket book to pay for her lifestyle.

Freaking car payments? Get her a beater, start there. A paid off car has much cheaper car insurance. Or princess can take the bus. [/quote]
So you agree, step daughter is working. No one is putting their hand into OPs pocket to pay for anything, if you review the post she breaks down that her husband is paying the vast majority of bills. It's not unfair to want his wife to contribute to their lifestyle, but she seems adamantly against it. [/quote]
I have no idea how much her husband is paying. Presumably he earns more because working moms tend to have their career derailed when they take off to give birth.

One shift a week is obviously not enough. At 22 princess should be paying more of her own way.

The wife is not objecting to paying for their lifestyle, she's objecting to subsidizing her husband paying for the grown adult in college who is too much of a princess to take on a second shift.

I have to wonder, are the two youngest having their college savings prepared? [/quote]

It sounds like he spent time as a solo parent, and also possibly time trying to[b] co-parent with someone with severe mental illness[/b].  I don't think you can argue that being a parent must have derailed her career, and not cut him the same break.

As for the youngest kids and college savings, it wouldn't be uncommon for a family with this kind of age gap to need to put savings for younger kids on hold while they pay for the oldest, but in fact OP is able to put some in 529 savings since her husband is taking care of tuition, and the mortgage, the two biggest expenses for most families.  [/quote]
OP isn't obligated to take on slack from her husband's first wife. The fact that her husband had a relationship with a mentally ill woman shouldn't mean she gets financially stretched for a 22 year old adult step child. [/quote]

That’s why you don’t get married. But once you’re married you’re “family” supposedly.[/quote]
I guess! Should have had this conversation before they married. Personally, I wouldn't financially stretch myself for my own bio kid to be a lazy bum in college with a newer model car and only working 1 shift a week. [/quote]

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