Reply to Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late

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Reply to "Having Kids Is Overrated and Most People Have No Idea Until It’s Way Too Late"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are no guarantees with children and no way to know ahead of time what is in store for you. We are still at the beginning of our parenting journey with a 5 yo and it is sometimes exhausting but also often joyful. I have also learned a lot so far from being a parent. My DH and I often talk about how these are the best years -    we are truly enjoying them. It certainly will be nice when DD is more independent but we recognize we'll miss this stage.

I think the myth that OP has identified is that once you are past the little kid stage it is easy. My parents are still struggling with my failure to launch sibling. She finally has a job at age 30 but still lives at home. My DH has a reasonably close relationship with his parents but there is a lot of annoyance and frustration on both sides. Friends with adult children are delaying retirement because they want to make sure their kids can sustain themselves financially. That being said, I think the happiest I've seen anyone is my parents and in laws with their first grandchild. There is a reason many parents annoyingly pressure their kids to have children. They shouldn't do it, but it is totally in their interest because of the sheer joy grandchildren bring.to a person.

I think one factor that can help (but again no guarantees) is sticking with one child. Studies show women with one kid are happier than those with zero or multiple children, and that only children have better relationships with their parents (on average, again, no guarantees). It also takes away a lot of financial pressure.[/quote]

Anecdotally I am close with two only children, neither of whom liked growing up that way. They both felt smothered. But neither of their parents had only children by choice, so perhaps it’s different in families where it is a conscious choice. Either way, neither of these friends wanted or chose to stop at one 1 kid when it came time to start their own families. [/quote]

Plenty of only children themselves choose to have only children. 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201910/growing-up-without-siblings-adult-only-children-speak-out

I have a sibling and feel a little sad that DD can't have one (we could have made it happen, now it's too late for a bio sibling). But one child is what is right for our family. We would not do well with two.

One of the worst trends I see in parenting today is this impulse to try and optimize everything from breastfeeding to child spacing to child care to red shirting. Parents' personal preferences hold little weight. This approach neglects the fact that having happy parents is really important for kids. My mom was not happy and that affected me deeply. I feel strongly that parents should base their decision about how many children to have on what is best for their family, not speculation about what is "optimal" for children.
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