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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Cost benefit. Depends how invested they are in their careers, how deeply involved the mother wants to be in their children’s lives. Even if you have a flexible wfh job, you will still not be able to spend as much time with DCs as a SAH. I like to spend my time in each aspect with my kids (tutoring, [b]making sure they’re high achievers in school and activities[/b], taking my time to make them healthy meals, etc) and pass on everything I know to them, so SAH works. Others need a job to be fulfilled so their choice works for them. I personally think my mode of SAH confers more advantage for my kids, but to each their own.[/quote]

This is actually the #1 reason I choose to work. I could quit tomorrow and we would be just fine financially, but then I would be tempted to make my children my new "project". Better to model high achievement than to snowplow your way to it.[/quote]

For you maybe.

I have a longer range perspective as an older GenX who runs in the professionally elite circles of Ward 3. [b]The kids whose mom took some time off when they were young — say 0-8 — are more impressive as a cohort, generally. Smarter,  better personalities, more poise.  [/b]

Having a low-education nanny for years, then Lord of the Flies aftercare, has a more durable and negative impact on the youngest minds than striver parents care to admit.

And we all went back to work or resumed full time. Medicine, law, nonprofit and corporate real estate.  [/quote]

I think you have a vested interest in maintaining this point of view.[/quote]

I think I watched these kids grow up, because they all attended the same private preschools then k-12 in NWDC. This is not a parenting group that uses daycare fwiw, because it’s not really available around here. We aren’t feds who can use their daycares, snd there isn’t a Bright Horizons on every corner

Anyway, it’s just common sense that having a primary caretaker during 85% of your 0-4 waking hours will yield different outcomes when the caretaker is functionally illiterate with a 3rd grade education vs. a graduate degree from an elite school.  Not talking about kindness and safety considerations.

To OP, the doctor in our group dropped back to one day/ week for several years, then ramped back up when kids basically needed just an afternoon driver. The lawyers went of counsel or similar. The WaPo editor dropped to a very part time mommy track job temporarily. Some just quit altogether for a few years. [/quote]

[b]Why do you assume every nanny is an illiterate person with no education?! [/b]I had two nannies for my children when they were 0-5 years old. Both were American girls, with college educations. They weren’t  Ivy League level schools or anything like that but my children’s nannies were far from illiterate! [/quote]

Because she likely has anxiety, which is obvious from the post, and needs reasons why she can’t go to work.  This the type who refers to a nanny as a “stranger” and really thinks it was beneficial for her to stay home with kids.  I’m reality it doesn’t benefit her kids much at all.  [/quote]

I agree, the insecurity about her choice was screaming from her post. I've noticed that many SAHMs on this board have to go to great lengths to convince themselves it was a "worthwhile" choice.

It's really interesting because, taking my own self as an example, I'm a working mom. One of my kids is leaps and bounds ahead of her peers in maturity, poise, and academics. I get told constantly by other parents, teachers, coaches, etc. that she is a stand out. I'm hugely proud of her but I don't try to convince myself it's because I chose to work. It has nothing to do with my choices, other than to make sure she always had a safe environment in which to thrive. If I had stayed home, I'm sure she'd still be the same great kid. But for whatever reason many SAHMs try to argue that their kids are the way they are BECAUSE they stayed home. Their world view depends on it.[/quote]

I'm also a working mom but I think if you are getting your perception of what sahms are like from this board -- well that's your problem right there. I mean literally in the last two pages of this thread there is a working mom claiming that a mom without a degree in early childhood education is not really qualified to take care of a 2 year old. I'm sorry but that is transparently a woman trying to argue that childcare is superior to a sahm in order to justify her own choices. This cuts both ways.

I know plenty of sahms who did it because they wanted to and are happy with their choice because it's the lifestyle they want. As a working mom I can say that I see one of the biggest advantaged to having a sahp of any gender at home is just logistical -- dual income families are tricky to navigate and the idea of having someone at home who can just keep the ship on course would be a life upgrade for me. We just honestly cannot afford it and also I think I'd have a hard time not working from a mental health standpoint. But not everyone is like me and other families make other choices and that's fine.

Anyway you're comment is unnecessarily judgmental and will probably make some sahms feel the need to justify their own choices by for instance claiming that kids with sahms do better. And those comments will no doubt prompt peopel like the PP to claim that actually sahms are inferior to paid childcare workers. And so on and so on. Neither "side" can claim that they alone have figured it out and won the "best moms" award and for some reason this conflict persists. But you aren't helping. You are contributing to the problem.[/quote]

I literally said "on this board" in my first sentence. I'm specifically talking about the SAHM posts that are all over this board. Nobody I know IRL is as crazy as what I see here, or maybe they are but they hide it well. [/quote]

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