Reply to It’s shocking how many parents tell us (DINKS) we “did it right”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a lot of denial in this thread about the true state of things out there in parenthood land.

There are many anonymous forums where people complain bitterly about their lives as parents, there is a growing body of sociological research on the issue of regretting parenting, there is an undeniable declining birth rate, there is abundant evidence that more and more people are comfortable admitting that they don't want that choice and it is more and more acceptable to admit that.

A person can love their child tremendously and still hold the position that parenthood was a mistaken choice for them. A person who tells their child they are a mistake is profoundly flawed, possibly psychopathic. It shouldn't be difficult for a person of average intelligence to grasp this distinction.

I have no doubt that some of the people who have posted comments excoriating OP here are people who have had very dark moments of deep regret over their choice of parenthood. Like anything else in life, it is very often those who protest most who are most conflicted.
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+1[/quote]

The kids are in the house for about 20 years. There's plenty of time to live that childfree life before and after the kids. It's the best of both worlds. [/quote]

While I agree it’s a short time but still an Ironman to raise kids.

I’m 55 empty nesting have a ton of time and money.

Still about 10% of people regret having kids.

It’s hard without money and if you don’t have the desire.

Thank god birth control and abortions are still legal.  🤞 [/quote]

Let's say 10% DO regret it. Now tell us what % of DINKS regret their choice?

I think it's far more risky for the woman. The man can up and decide at 45 he does want a family and find someone 15 years younger to have one with. A 45 yr old woman has to live with her regrets.[/quote]

[b]I don’t think DINKS by choice regret it.[/b]

I do think people with infertility have a deep seated feeling of loss.

[/quote]

I think some do and some don't.

I was almost a DINK by choice. I was really on the fence about having kids and we postponed kids to late 30s (knowing doing so might mean not having the or having fertility issues) but ultimately decided after a lot of reflection to give it a shot. We conceived easily and now have a kid. I have ZERO regrets and am so glad we decided to go for it. I am also glad I thought really hard about it and considered another path. But I now understand that not having a child would have been a mistake for me. I would have made the most of it but I am a happier and better person because I'm a mom.

One reason I wasn't sure if I wanted to have kids is that I wasn't sure I could be a good mom. I had a not great upbringing and my parents were often abusive and I think had kids way too young and had too many and they were in fact miserable most of my childhood. I didn't want to do that to myself or my kids. But the wonderful thing about becoming a mom is that it turns out I am a good mom (probably in part because I've thought so much about what I needed as a kid and didn't get and what it means to create a safe and loving family for a child) and it's been incredibly healing to give my DC what I didn't have. I can see a version of my life where I don't have a kid and I just keep going to therapy to deal with my own sadness over my childhood and working through that trauma and I think it could be okay. But what I understand now is that becoming a mom has been the best possible way to work through that and to find peace. Because even if I can never go back and have a good childhood I can give one to my DC and the joy I experience in seeing my own child happy and loved really soothes some of those old hurts from my own childhood. And I never would have found that out without having a kid.

You don't know what you don't know. I don't think being a DINK is a bad choice but you never know what choices people are going to regret or be happy with years after making them. Some portion of parents regret it but so do some portion of DINKs.[/quote]

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