Reply to Equitable/reasonable division of care among siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Reading your recent answers I've come to realize that it isn't really about helping mom, but it's about some long time resentment you've built towards your sibling. It seems you haven't communicated for a long time (sibling showing up empty handed over the years) and have resorted to passive aggressive behavior. If your mom lives by herself, cannot drive, cannot take uber, cannot get groceries or medicine... she should not be living by herself. People age in place when they're functional. The more you respond, the more it comes out your mom is not functional or independent, but left on her own, waiting for kids to do things that are necessary in daily life. I and several other PP don't understand why in these circumstances you don't get mom professional help, all of this is literally unsustainable. [/quote]

DP and I completely agree.

I posted earlier about the love language problem.  It is clear I was correct, that your love language is acts of service and you have mentally tied acts of service to love for you and your mom.  Your unhelpful sibling does not share this.  It is also clear you are not ready to hear or process this.

I get it, but you will not be ready to have a relationship with this sibling until you start to understand him.  It is also clear this won’t go away because you will continue to be angry with your mom that your mom does not share your feelings, and you will be livid when things are left equally.

I don’t know if this is recoverable, but at least I warned you.  That is all DCUM can do.[/quote]

So wrong.

Nobody cares about the inheritance.

And the siblings were totally fine until mom needed help and everyone stepped up except one.

Ftr, you can’t force an adult into assisted living against their will. Perhaps you haven’t cared for an aging parent? Sometimes the decline is gradual. It’s not like flipping a switch; it’s a process.

[/quote]

Absolutely nothing you typed here is responsive in any way to what I typed.

In your last post, you said that not participating means your sibling doesn’t care about you or your mom.  That alone says I am correct.

I didn’t say anything about assisted living, nor did the previous poster.  I said nothing, she said “professional help” which can come in many forms, including grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, and taking her to the hair salon/senior center.

Is your mom getting out to socialize at all?  She should be.  It will help her mind.

I have been through this with several
Family members so I know what works, and family doing it all often means gaps in socialization and often sacrificing time for things like grocery shopping.  Hire that stuff out, spend time with your mom and you won’t feel so stretched.[/quote]

And what exactly do you think it means when a sibling refuses to help at all?

We’ve hired help, [b]but paid help doesn’t replace the need for children to keep tabs and check in.[/b]

How should one feel if their sibling never steps up when asked? I think it speaks volumes about their character and compassion—or lack thereof. [/quote]

Yeah, it actually does. That's the whole point. Nobody here believes you are in the right. Why do you bother continuing to come back here? You are not going to get what you want out of this thread. It's quite obvious from your response here why your sibling is resentful enough not to help.[/quote]

DP. So you're fine with a caretaker totally taking over with no supervision? No checking to see if they're properly administering meds, and grooming, and not abusive or taking things from the home? Not getting any feedback from doctors visits? Not checking in with parent to see how they like the caregiver and how it's going?[/quote]

Apparently some posters couldn’t care less about the well-being of their aging loved ones. This thread is rather eye opening.

Is it an American thing to just bail on the elderly? [/quote]

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