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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom asks how I'm going all the time but she doesn't really listen to the response and will misinterpret anything I say so it's not really a rewarding exchange.

Anything I say to my mom gets filtered through a bunch of layers of her own issues so by the time she's processing it, it has very little to do with me.

I increasingly feel that no one should have kids until they have learned to manage their own issues, past traumas, and moderate their own emotions. You don't have to have it all sorted out, but you need to have tools for it. Otherwise you just use your kids as vessels for processing your own BS and it's miserable for them. I don't really even know what it would feel like to have either of my parents see me asa separate person with my own sh!t going on rather than a reflection of some aspect of their own lives. [/quote]

This was my childhood, plus my mother favored my elder brother 1000x over me including never saying a word to him about the way he bullied and even beat me up from early childhood into our early teen years - basically until he went away to join the military.

When I was 30 I finally estranged from my parents and brother - I got tired of the endless bullying and abuse from father and brother, and from my mother a different kind of abuse in condoning theirs and expecting me to take it with a smile and keep showing up for her. And I definitely WAS a good daughter until then, I did much more for my mother than her men ever did but she barely acknowledged it until it was gone.

After I estranged she wrote me a couple of letters, long litanies of complaints about my shortcomings and then asking me to get back in touch. Never once asked me how I was or expressed any concerns about my well being.

Meanwhile after I estranged from her she wrote letters to other family members telling them I’d always been an impossible child who made her life a misery - none of them believed it because before the estrangement she would brag about my accomplishments (4 university degrees and professional success - like many abused kids, I overcompensated big time) and take credit for them as though they happened because of my upbringing and not in spite of it.

Narcissistic mothers are the worst kind, and cause damage to their kids that really cannot be entirely repaired no matter how much therapy and adult accomplishments. [/quote]

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