Reply to What has a lack of sex done to you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mid 40’s woman.  DH loves sex and we have some kind at least twice a week.  He’s not great at it and I’m not attracted to him but he’s a good human in every other way so I am resigning myself to the fact that this one aspect of my life isn’t going to be stellar. Before you say ‘tell him what you want, etc.’ we’ve obviously tried a lot of different things.  I’m not a hugely sexual person myself so it’s not that important to me.  In my 20’s I had a relationship with the kind of sex I still fantasize about but in every other aspect the man was a jerk and a loser.  That and some other experiences taught me that sex isn’t the #1 priority, for me at least

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Sounds like if your husband was a bit more of a "jerk/loser" the sex could get better lol[/quote]

I am in a similar situation. I love my husband but the sex is not that great and has gotten worse over time . And yes the guys I dated before him were jerks but the sex was great . I’ve tried to be very direct in what I want in the bedroom but it doesn’t get me anywhere . [/quote]

Same here. I think it's common but not discussed for perimenopausal women to lose enough of their sex drive so that unsatisfying sex with their partner just isn't enough to overcome the lack of hormone driven urges anymore. What makes it extra hard is that once you've been with someone for 10-20+ years, you've already tried to communicate, teach, etc. and have probably just given up and settled with what you've got. So the dissatisfaction seems to come out of nowhere for the partner, but it's really nothing new from the woman's perspective. It's hard for both partners, and I really don't know how to fix it. [/quote]

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