Reply to When successful men with demanding jobs (doctor, lawyer) divorce, what usually causes it?

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Reply to "When successful men with demanding jobs (doctor, lawyer) divorce, what usually causes it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My observations as a biglaw DW with her own career: At work, my DH gets a lot of admiration and praise, but he also gets a lot of pressure. Meanwhile, I am putting in a lot of sacrifice to keep things running smoothly and much of it could easily be unnoticed. I think some DHs don't appreciate all the stuff going on behind the scenes and/or the wives feel resentful that they have to do it in the first place. Then the DH walks in the door and is faced with a bad attitude and resentment when they are already exhausted and stressed, and it's a stark contrast to the young associates/paralegals who fawn over their greatness at work.

Add in a dead bedroom and/or limited time with the family, too much drinking, the bonding with people at work who are in the pressure cooker with you while your wife/family 'don't understand', and you have two people who's physical and emotional needs are not met and they're too burnt out and busy to actually communicate about it.

I'd also add that a lot of unhappiness comes from the mismatch in expectations of what you expect from the other spouse. The biglaw lawyer thinks they're working their butt off to fund this nice lifestyle and the other person is ungrateful and greets them at the door with a to do list and scowl, meanwhile the spouse is thinking that they are unappreciated and their spouse isn't meeting their emotional needs because they don't spend time with them. Call me old fashioned but I credit a lot of my marital success to making my husband look forward to coming home: smile on my face, active bedroom, dote on him when he walks in the door, save my asks of his time/energy for when I can tell that he has had a chance to decompress, and throw resources at problems that can be solved without him. As a result, he's probably home more often than his peers and won't have an extra drink at the bar after work because he'd have a better time at home, so my needs feel met (most of the time).[/quote]

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