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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think DH should tell friend exactly what happened, that you know and are struggling with the information and whether to tell wife.  Maybe that will compel friend to come clean or end the affair.[/quote]

After reading all the responses, I think this is the plan. Of course Best Friend could always lie about what he will or won’t do, but I’ve no wish to be further involved much less play private investigator. Unfortunately, this also means my friendship with this couple is over, as I can’t rightly count myself a friend to the wife in choosing to keep this from her and I’ve lost all respect for the husband.[/quote]

I agree this is the probably the best you can do in this situation.  I'm sorry OP.  This is sad for everyone involved.[/quote]

I think this is the worst decision. It puts OP's DH in the awkward position of telling his friend that he told OP. The friend isn't going to tell his wife. But it will certainly make things awkward and probably kill the friendship for all involved without even delivering the info to the wife.

OP should just keep it to herself, as should OP's DH. Let these folks work out their own situation. I agree with the PP that I would NOT want to hear about this from a friend. That would only make things worse. Why not let the wife live in peace? I am in the ignorance is bliss camp.[/quote]

Ignorance is bliss?

How nice to live in a fantasy world where you believe your husband is your best friend, loyal and kind - when the reality is his sweet words are a lie, valentines and anniversary gifts are a lie. You are a joke to your husbands gf - and nobody will tell you. Everyone wants to keep it a secret. How lovely![/quote]

I don't know these people (obviously), but it is likely either (a) they have a great marriage full of lots of love and kindness, and the wife is happy with it, or (b) they have an unhappy marriage and the wife is unhappy with the situation. If (a), why destroy that for the wife? Just on principle? Maybe she would want to know, but if she's happy and they have warm feelings, then let it be. If (b), then she's already unhappy and can decide to leave or not, and she doesn't need to know this extra info. I don't get the instinct in people to just drop this bomb on someone else's life.[/quote]

Nah. If the wife is happy and clueless---and then 10 years later at empty nest the spouse with ducks in a row just drops the divorce news out of the blue.

She wasted all of her youth raising her kids and now is in 50s and faced with a gray divorce?  That is brutal and selfish...well--we all know cheaters are selfish. BUt a betrayal of that magnitude, carried out over years where she didn't learn the reality of her life until she is ready for a retirement with spouse is just the most awful and conniving move to make on someone. That is the type of betrayal that causes real trauma to a person, and the kids as well, because now they question the entirety of all of those 'lying' years.  What was real?  Was any of it real?[/quote]

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