Reply to We keep arguing about work and home responsibilities because we're both overwhelmed.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. It is helpful to read about how other families handle these challenges. I have to clarify that my DH did used to work a high-powered finance job where he earned 500k-600k. He was working 60+ hours/week. I freelanced. Neither of us liked that setup. I missed him, the kids missed him, he was stressed.

I also have to clarify that he doesn't have depression. We've been together since college, and he was always slow to get homework/readings done, to run errands, etc. He just moves at a different pace. I think that's what the biggest challenge is. (Coincidentally, I am abnormally efficient -- my work is pretty intense but I fit it into 40 hours because I'm fast).

My DH is willing to move workouts or work to the evenings, but then that means no couple time. So I feel like I have to pick between his help with home/kids and connecting as a couple. He does see all as a problem, he isn't taking advantage of me, he just can't move fast. And he hates that, but I don't think it can be changed.

About outsourcing, I've had a hard time finding someone who will work just a couple of afternoon hours (make dinner and drive to pick up my kids). I agree this sounds like a good plan but I'm not sure how to find someone. [/quote]

Thanks for the clarification that he already took a less demanding job. I’m the one who stepped down from finance. I know how grueling it can be. I still think he can get a better paying job than 170. To go from 500-600k to 170 is a big drop. He should be able to get something for at least 200-300.

I used to outsource out everything I possibly could. It is hard to put together childcare for the exact hours that you need. I had a “tutor” twice per week who I paid $60/hr. She did zero cleaning up meaning she would not even put a cup in the sink. She was a tutor. I paid her to enrich the kids. She did art and some reading and math with the kids. I also found a woman who was a good cook that would come to my house after her fed job, meet my kid at the bus stop and then cook for us twice per week.

While it is hard to find the right childcare for the exact hours you want, it is very easy to find housekeeping help. They often charge more than a nanny. I had a housekeeper who doubled up as back up care. She didn’t enrich the kids but she was a live adult in the house where I could leave child while I tended to other things.[/quote]

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