Reply to Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m married to a Dh that is abusive. He’s toxic and a true narcissist. You all can hate all you want, but I decided to stay put until my kids graduate from high school. This has given me time to get back into the workforce and work on building my career so I have a good exit strategy. Kids are not aware of his abuse.    In a divorce my Dh would have used the kids as pawns. Im in therapy and it keeps me strong and mentally focused.

I’ve stepped out on him. I have needs and sometimes I just want to be held. I have one more year to go. Flame away. Idgaf. [/quote]

I’m the “black and white” poster and just want to say I’m sorry, I have zero judgement for you, and hope you get a beautiful life on the other side of this. Your situation is exactly what I mean when I say some situations aren’t black and white. Your abusive, toxic husband is the jerk. Not you for needing to be held.

Again, for those who are going to call me a cheater for supporting this PP, I’ve never cheated and deeply love my husband. I just know that not everyone is in a caring kind marriage, and they still deserve to feel love. [/quote]

❤️ Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I never imagined my life like this. 
The world is a better place with you in it.

[/quote]

Word of warning: if you get caught your life will explode like you cannot even fathom. And if the person you are cheating with also has a family---the implosion is going to be triple-fold.

I don't think doing other harmful things (because your actions are harmful to all of those on the periphary--OM's spouse/kids, your own kids, etc, etc.) are ever a good idea to manage a bad situation.  In those instances, therapy, friends and doing things you love (which aren't boning ppl outside your marriage) are the route to take.[/quote]

My life exploded a long time ago. No one that I’ve stepped out with has been married or had kids. 
Thank you for your concern about me “boning ppl”.

[/quote]

Black and white poster here and agree the line about “boning ppl” really exposed the judgement.

I’m just reminded of the situation in the movie Water for Elephants. Reese Witherspoon’s husband was abusive and cruel, and she bonded with a man who was the opposite. When you take a step back from your judgement and iron clad need to do things the way society has always said, you start to see people as individuals needing a loving connection. [/quote]

Cue the tortured romantics living through cinema…

Give me a break.[/quote]

I’ve figured out WTF is wrong with posters on DCUM and it has to do with an overwhelming sense of moral superiority, with most people in the DC area working for NGOs saving the whales and working on the Hill saving their constituents. It lends to a very “there’s one way to be right and moral, and that’s to stay one million percent faithful to your husband, even if he literally punches you in the face. Otherwise, you’re just a whore out there boning randos and ruining children’s lives.”

Really, this forum is sick sometimes. [/quote]

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