Reply to DS14 said something very rude and ungrateful during the holidays and I still don’t know if we handle it well

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Reply to "DS14 said something very rude and ungrateful during the holidays and I still don’t know if we handle it well "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I honestly don't understand why everyone is giving mom & dad a pass.

The 529 contribution is a gift to THEM!

They are angry because they think FIL will stop giving THEM money.

The parents have apparently made it clear to the kid over-and-over that FIL gives THEM $$$s every year that goes into a college account.  Why have they mentioned this?  Because they are so fearful the money train will end.

Kid was rude, OP said he apologized already.  The only reason OP is making this such a huge deal is because of the $$$s.[/quote]

I disagree in this case. A 529 is a gift to the son and the siblings, not just to the parents. Money is fungible and it allows the whole family to use their resources efficiently to meet needs and wants. OP’s son is obviously benefitting from his parent’s financial resources. If the kids were living a frugal life and OP and her husband were keeping their own money for themselves, I’d feel differently. Now $35k in 529’s can be transferred to a Roth IRA. So the son will benefit from his grandfather’s gift regardless if he attends college.

[/quote]

I get that…but it’s freeing up a ton of money the parents can now use for their own savings and retirement.

The vast majority is indirectly going to them…if the FIL wasn’t contributing, they would be on the hook.[/quote]

This exactly! OP even said the college $ would have had to come from their retirement.

So, basically, the kid was getting college either way. Under the OP’s way, grandpa’s gift is going straight into her pocket and the kid has to be grateful. [/quote]

This is kind of right. My grandmother gave us the $10,000 a year for Christmas each year. It’s really a gift to the parents who don’t have to fork over a penny for their kids’ college. It’s a huge gift to them, not to the kid. Of course he should say thank you and be grateful, but it’s not really a gift to the kid. [/quote]

I disagree, parents paying for college is not a right or necessity. If they’re willing to do so, that’s awesome. But it’s (today at least) not at all the norm. You either earn merit aid, get scholarships, or take out loans. That is the norm.

However if the kid knows that either Grandpa is going to pay, or Mom and Dad will… then yeah. I can actually understand even moreso how that logic of “this is a gift to my parents” would be rational for the kid to think.[/quote]

DCUM is not the place to make this argument.  OP should have posted on Reddit or some other forum.

The DCUM demographic is overwhelmingly full pay for their kids’ college.

You are correct in general…but OP locked the wrong forum.[/quote]

Imo, kids who have grandparents who can afford to give millions for their grandkids’ college are probably trying to spend down assets before they die. They have plenty, and their kids were probably raised to be good earners as well and will most likely inherit millions as well. It’s the normal in UMC communities in this area to pay for college for your kids. I seriously doubt that the UMC kids from say Whitman or Yorktown are expected to pay for their own college educations with loans. It’s just not how it works. Yes the kid should be super grateful, but it’s not a Christmas gift and grandpas could buy some token gift or something. [/quote]

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