Reply to It seems SAHM & working mom live in different world

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. My kids are not left outside because I forget to pick them up. I mean they are outside of home for long hours daily. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 8:40am & aftercare is 3:25pm to 6:30pm. One kid's beforecare is 7am to 9am & aftercare is 3pm to 6pm. They are at different schools, and I do separate drop off /pickup. I drop off one kid around 8am & another kid around 8:30am. I pick up one kid right before 6pm and another kid before 6:20am. We don't use the full hours for beforecare hours. I still have to work at nighttime or on weekend for a few hours.

I sometimes see that SAHM neighbor doing gardening, walking kids to bus stop or chilling in front of her front porch in the mornings. I sometimes see her hanging around at front porch by herself or with kids when we get home. We can see their house from our window, like 20 steps away, so close to each other. We have one same age kid going to same school. Maybe she thinks I am a bad mom. The high energy kid loves beforecare/aftercare and summer camps. The low energy kid probably is better off with less activities and would not mind staying longer time at home. [/quote]

As a SAHM when I see a mom like this, I dont judge her. I feel slightly sorry for how tired and rushed she always looks, especially when I see her wrangling crying kids in and out of the car early morning or late at night. I feel a pang of gratitude that I can stay at home and not put my very young kid in daycare for 8 plus hours a day.

And I am very happy to chat or be friends with a working mom , on a schedule that’s convenient for her. [/quote]

Fellow sahm here. I also feel slightly bad for them because I used to be them. I feel fortunate Dh earns a high enough income that I don’t have to work.[/quote]

You are a financial dependent. Gross.

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I would never want my daughters to be dependent on a man, who will likely lose respect for them and cheat.  They need to be gainfully employed and in a partnership - no matter what their HHI is.[/quote]

This is such a black and white (and I think wrong) perspective. And I say that as a working mom.

In a home with a working parent and a SAHP, both partners are dependent on each other. One makes all the money and the other is doing all the childcare and household work to enable the other partner to focus exclusively on work all day. When couples like this divorce, the SAHP has to get a job, yes. But guess what the working parent has to do? Usually, hire like three people to do the work that the SAHP was doing (nanny, housekeeper, assistant). So best of luck with that.

The least equitable family arrangement I regularly encounter is one in which both parents work but one does way more childcare and household stuff. You see this all the time. Happens a lot when both parents work full time but one is much higher earning, so the one with the lower income has the "flex job" which basically means that they have to shoehorn work in around all the kid and house stuff. And over time it gets less and less equitable because trying to balance work and home for the lower earning spouse takes a toll on their career, they don't advance, and it deepens this idea that they don't have a "real" job and that their time is not valuable.

I would take being a SAHM with a spouse who actually appreciates the work I do over being a working mom who is just assumed to have time to do all the pick up/drop off, cleaning, meal planning and meal prep, organizing, social planning, etc. because her job is deemed less essential than her slightly higher earning spouse. And this is so common. It is not feminism and it's not liberty.[/quote]

You raise your daughters your way.  I'll do mine.  They will probably both be fine. I don't agree with you, but I don't have to either.[/quote]

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