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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here — it is like walking through molasses. And I have an out of state childless relative and a parent who are counting in addition to DH and a struggling teen. Elderly Relative is in hospital, parent also out of state received cancer diagnosis — I’m spent. I’m not in good shape myself and tell NO ONE except DH. It won’t change anything about me not doing enough.

Anyway, regarding DH — he has been prescribed more antibiotics for ongoing UTIs. He is willing to go to a urologist but only if I handle everything. Meanwhile I’m dealing with hospital calls for relative, other relatives that are giving me grief re: my parent with whom I’ve tried many times to assist to improve the situation and avoid what has unfolded there. Why can’t adults frickin’ do what needs to be done???? Elderly relative who is cognitively sound (even by docs) is in hospital bc he stopped taking meds due to issues with side effects (frequent urination). The only reason DH is conceding to see the doc is bc he is VERY uncomfortable.

TL;DR No significant news.  [/quote]

Thanks for the update OP. I have been in your shoes in a lot of ways. I agree with the advice about dropping the rope. Therapy helped me a lot. The elderly relative who is cognitively sound dropping meds is not your problem at all. We had that too, but having been through elders who live forever in the worst possible shape declining into misery and no independence, I don't see it as tragic to allow someone of sound mind to live on his/her terms. We had one elder do just that. She was declining and had already lost enough independence she was miserable even with meds/therapy/visits. She refused meds and willed herself to die, but made sure she be nasty enough to everyone beforehand that it was easy enough to be at peace with the fact she was finally resting in peace.

With my husband's health issues I was the one pushing and making appointments and doing backflips and I finally had to have a come to J talk about what it was doing to me. I let him know how much I love him and care about him and what a great father he is and person, but he had to take charge of his own health and when he does need my health he needs to be on decent behavior. (The only time I can't stand him is when he is ill because he is petulant and mean and makes many demands). I told him how much it would break my heart to see him decline and how hard it would be to lose him, but I cannot be the person keeping him alive, he has to want to be alive and want to take the steps. That helped some. Another thing that helped was when he was so ill he was willing to go the ER and I had to take him, wait for the nurse to roll him into a temporary room and I had to leave because one of our kids was sick at school. He was alone at the ER and once pain meds kicked in the doctor saw him. She asked about his primary care physician, He had none. She asked about what Drs. he had seen prior. None. She then told him off. She completely shamed him and something clicked and he realized it was time to take charge of his health.[/quote]

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