Reply to Our daughter “married well.” Nobody is happy about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you saying you’d be happy to provide full time day care following all the parenting requirements your daughter and son in law have if they moved near you? You’d give only the foods they approve, take the kid to all the activities they want, follow their screen limits, toy rules, etc? [/quote]

Are you kidding, of course [b]I would happily provide any day care duties. Just as my parents and my husband’s parents were always nearby and there for me when our children were growing up.[/b] It’s not just day care or providing a helping hand, it’s proximity to be there and watch them grow up. It’s painful to be so far away and know strangers are raising a grandchild. I keep using “strangers” because that is what is happening. I am not anti day care, I am underscoring how un-well “marrying well” turned out to be.

Another user asked why don’t we move near them: Because they are fairly rootless workaholics and go where their careers take them. They will likely bounce around and job hop for the next 30 years.[/quote]

Maybe. They. Don't. Want. You. Raising. These. Kids. You really do need to grapple with that possibility. If my mother considered me a "fairly rootless workaholic" and took something I'd said to her about an (utterly normal and predictable) sexual lull and blasted it all over the internet, I wouldn't want her raising my kids either.

It is remarkable that you are convinced that your daughter not being [i]ecstatically happy right now[/i] means that she's not happy with who she married, or how "well" she did. Nothing you have said is convincingly establishing that she herself is "not happy about it." This is not a small difference in word choice. It may be a very profound difference in how you each see her life, and she may just not be having your analysis of it, or wanting that analysis as a day-to-day aspect of her life.

YTA[/quote]

I can only take her at her word. She married well but I am not happy. My husband is not happy. We miss our daughter and granddaughter. [b]Our granddaughter spends most of the day with $15 a hour strangers.[/b] My daughter reveals she is not happy, work stresses her out, and her marriage lacks intimacy. It all begs the question what did marrying well get her? Who is doing “well” in this situation? Things only look “well” on paper (or LinkedIn and facebook). It’s fake. A fractured family for the sake of maintaining appearances on LinkedIn and social media.[/quote]

If they paid more for the "strangers" would that make you happy?  Would $20/hr be sufficient?  A live-in nanny? Mary Poppins? Or is is just that you think you'd do a better job raising your grandchildren than you did raising your poor-decision making daughter that fled her parents at the first opportunity?[/quote]

And OP, when you say "[i]of course I would happily provide any day care duties. Just as my parents and my husband’s parents were always nearby and there for me when our children were growing up. It’s not just day care or providing a helping hand, it’s proximity to be there and watch them grow up[/i]," what do you mean?  Do you mean that you would provide all-day childcare, e.g. from 7:30AM to 6PM, five days a week, including enriching activities, making, serving, and cleaning up from all meals, naps, discipline consistent with developmental best practices and your daughter and SIL's specific instructions, no TV/screens?  Or do you mean that you would "lend a helping hand" from time to time?

If you wouldn't be available 50+ hours a week for the above, then your grandchild would be "raised by strangers" even as the family lived near you.  You know that, right?[/quote]

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