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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP, I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread, I'll say that up front. But this jumped out at me from your initial post:

[i]He has a depression diagnosis but won’t take meds or go to therapy. He’s content just existing[/i]

I'm betting others must have picked up on that but I'll say: Being "content just existing" can be fairly typical of some people with depression. Routine and blandness can be comforting and predictable. What you and I might interpret as being stuck in a terrible, boring rut may be, to him, a way to have control over his day to day life; when someone has depression or other mental issues, they often feel completely out of control inside, and so they control what they CAN control -- for instance, being in a very set routine and numbing themselves with what works for them (like too much food and too much TV). You and I know that meds plus plenty of exercise can actually help a lot, but if your DH's work-home-eat-TV routine is his way of living so he doesn't have to feel or face his depression, it's going to be hard to break him out of that.

But OP, if you once loved him enough to marry and have kids with him, have you considered doubling down on trying to get him real help for the depression? I know someone will come to shout, "You cannot make someone else get treatment!" and that's true; however, if my DH were in that kind of rut AND had a clear diagnosis for which he wasn't getting treatment, I would make treatment a non-negotiable issue. Have you told him -- not hinted, not suggested more activities, just told him very clearly -- that you are feeling so desperate? I would, and then I would tell him that he is sick and not getting treatment. He'd get treatment for a physical illness, right? He needs treatment for depression.

That may make a real difference, but you will likely have to push the issue hard. I know, you should not HAVE to do that, but if he is depressed, he may not see any way out of that hole. It can be almost impossible for some depressed people to pick up a phone, make an appointment, go online, see what their insurance offers, etc. That is tough on the spouses but the alternatives for you are push him to get treated (which initially may end up with you having to make and get him to appointments, and be the "mean mom" to him re: meds etc.), or continue to "work on you" and stil be unhappy, or leave and break up the home. If you leave, be aware: He will get custody, probably 50/50, and your kids will spend half their lives with an untreated, depressed dad without you there to mitigate that. I'd at least try taking some focus off myself temporarily and putting it on his depression. Maybe the rut is not all about depression but you won't know unless you push him and get him to TRY help.

One note -- if he says "But I don't feel sad or blue, I'm not depressed" -- Depression does not always manifest as "feeling sad." It can manifest as just being detached, one-note, bland. If you arent' seeing sadness or he says he doesn't feel it, that does not mean he's not depressed.[/quote]

Good advice here. OP, what's descibed above would be my last-ditch effort before moving on to divorce.[/quote]

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