Reply to I Miss Being In Love

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you miss being young. [/quote]
OP here — Do you seriously associate trying new things, making an effort to engage with others, and staying in shape exclusively with being young? That’s very depressing.

From reading these responses, it really seems that some people believe that youth up to one’s 20s are for fun and making an effort at life, and then rest of life should be stagnant drudgery. Or maybe some people perceive effort as something you expend to attract a mate and then once you’ve locked them down, you can enjoy just sitting back and doing the bare minimum throughout the rest of life? For me, working out, trying new activities, reading up on topics I don’t know about, learning new languages, traveling, befriending different types of people, taking my career in new directions, and just exploring life weren’t things I was doing to attract someone. That’s really how I want to live single or married. [/quote]

I like to read but I am a low-key introverted person and my husband is an extrovert.  Reading your posts here, if you were my spouse I think I would shut down the way your spouse has shut down.  It seems like you may be the type of person who exhausts your partner.  There is no reason you can’t do all the things you list above by yourself and still accept your spouse.  Being into 30 million things does not make you a better person than your spouse, which you seem to believe.

This is just the vibe I am getting, it’s not an excuse for your spouse to let himself go or refuse to treat his depression.  People are responsible for themselves.[/quote]
I don’t need my spouse to do every or even most things on my list with me. I do need a spouse who does more than shuffle from work to chores to the couch, with a two-minute quickie every now and then. Even just playing tennis together on the weekends or having one date night a week, but I definitely need someone who wants to get out of the house and spend time with me. That is who he portrayed himself as to get married to me. [/quote]

Have you said to him what you wrote above? In those words? "You are not meeting my needs and I am extremely unhappy in this marriage. Here's why...." with what you typed above. Then schedule something for this weekend, set up a babysitter and tell him it's happening. I know, the work is all on you, but you may have to be very blunt, tell him you are considering leaving, and then say that activity whatever is happening. Then tell him when the next date night or tennis outing is, and he has to arrange it. He sounds so locked into his routine, and he likely thinks that because sex happens, all is OK, that you will have to take initiative to shake him out of it and will have to do more than say "I'd like us to try..." It may take, "I need to tell you that our life together makes me profoundly unhappy."

He's not going to start coming up with things on his own. Tell him you think he "shuffles from work to chores to the couch." He likely has no idea that that is so upsetting for you and he needs to know.[/quote]

Agree with this poster.

Have a serious talk with him. The descriptions of your bedroom life make me shudder.
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