Reply to Discipline for excessive crying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To all those saying autistic, that makes me really sad, but I’ve always thought it was a real possibility. So thanks for those comments. We’ll get her evaluated when she’s a little older.

Any suggestions on how to handle The crying in the meantime?[/quote]

No, you need to get her evaluated now, because the developmental pediatrician will have resources and suggestions for you. Early intervention is key. Please keep in mind that there are long waiting times for an evaluation sometimes. Also keep in mind that you need answers ASAP because she will be eligible for special programs, as well as services and accommodations in school. Finally, it's never a one-and-done evaluation: there will be several in the course of her life, because she's very young, and each specialist will discover something more every few years.

She seems very bright, and if she is amenable to controlling her sensory overload and emotions, and easing her mental rigidity (all of which she can do with practice, ie, behavioral modification!), then I am sure she will be do great things later on!

In the meantime, look up resources for parenting ASD kids. Try to find something she can use to self-soothe. Right now, the crying is the self-soothing mechanism. You want to exchange it for something else. She sounds sensory-avoidant. My sensory-avoidant kid would jump on the trampoline for hours. He loved hearing me read books to him. Would she like the same thing? Audio books? Classical music? Try things that aren't necessarily kid-friendly - maybe she'll like them.

- wife and mother of twice exceptional ADHD/ASD humans.

[/quote]

Such a helpful response, thank you. OK. So many of you here have pushed me. I just googled our local pediatric developmental behavioral center and have the tab open to email Monday. I didn't actually realize you could diagnose or get evaluated so young. She has never been violent or aggressive or had any of the other obvious "problem" behaviors that are red flags and our pediatricians have always been so incredibly dismissive that it honestly never occurred to me there might be help for our particular challenges. Thank you.

And to the particular pp above, it hadn't occurred to me that the crying might be her form of self-soothing. Maybe because I can't tell what would be upsetting her so badly in so many of the situations in which she cries, so I wouldn't have thought she'd need soothing in those moments. You and another poster both talked about working with her during calm times to identify things that are soothing to her. The obvious ones like pacifiers and stuffed animals have never worked, so I'll work harder for non-conventional ones. Thank you.[/quote]

PP you replied to. You're welcome. I know it can feel crazy-making to know your kid has issues that no one else is seeing! It happened to me, and it happens so often in these cases.

I'd like to remind everyone here that autism was first described as the "refrigerator mother" theory, when doctors mistakenly thought that emotionally distant mothers were responsible for maladjustment in their child. A very harmful theory indeed, which no one supports today, [url]but you see how in this thread, people (and your own doctors) have questioned your parenting, your description of events and your suffering! It's so easy to fall into that trap of blaming the mother.[b]

Best of luck going forward, OP. You are a good parent. Your child is a good child, even if right now life is terribly fraught.[/quote]

Ok but the mother does play a role. If not, then what is even the point of mothering if it has no effect on our children? [/quote]

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