Reply to I have a tumor, DH doesn't care. WWYD?

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Reply to "I have a tumor, DH doesn't care. WWYD?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I understand it’s really hard to not get what you need from your partner when you’re really at a very low and vulnerable point.

My thoughts on reading your posts:
1) you have trauma from your first experience and you are understandably reliving it; it must be incredibly stressful to be returned to that state of vigilance, uncertainty, and fear
2) your husband does not know how to be an emotional sounding board or show emotional support
3) given 1 & 2, you need to get your needs met elsewhere
4) you don’t have many family or friends you can tell so your possible support feels constrained
5) this is part of the pressure you’re feeling about the relationship not being there for you.

It’s a lot.

My advice would be that you need to first accept all of the above and grieve it. You are understandably angry but I think your narrative of blame and anger is hampering you from seeking what you need. Have you ever come across the book True Refuge by Tara Brach? She has some other good ones but this one in particular tracks her own emotions around a chronic and debilitating illness, her difficulties facing her fears and her anxieties, her self-judgment, and the very practical and effective techniques she uses to find inner emotional healing.

I think it’s possible that if you could find the resources for some healing within it would start to be easier to reach out and find a community.

With more support, it might also become easier to see what your husband could provide and ask for it and receive it in a way that makes you feel nurtured. Sometimes when we’re so angry and in need we are actually pushing others around us away instead of giving them space to be there for us. I don’t know if that might be part of the dynamic or not. But it doesn’t matter, because you need to start with the fact that this relationship isn’t giving you what you need. It’s a chance to meet yourself where you are and grieve this hurt and hold yourself. Ultimately in this life we don’t have love without self love.

Wishing you healing.[/quote]

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