Reply to My mom is upset over Thanksgiving plans

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your parents are terrible and this is 1,000% not your fault. It is not and will never be your job to referee them. 
[/quote]
Nothing the OP said about her father indicates he is anything other than a good father.

Her mother is terrible, not her father.[/quote]

Am I taking crazy pills?

OP had a baby a month ago, & dad has not made any move to meet the baby or visit/support his daughter in this big life event. The only time he offers to visit postpartum daughter & new grandchild is on thanksgiving, when he will “be in town” (so he’s not even making this visit for the purpose of seeing daughter/grandchild). And he offers to come over to meet them - and have a big dinner that they prepare & pay for.

OP didn’t say anything disparaging about her father, but this scenario tells a lot. [/quote]

Yup. She is grateful for scraps.

[b]OP, did your mother suck it up for your wedding, or did she refuse to attend if your father was there? [/b]Because I know a lot of divorced parents who will suck it up on occasions that require it (graduations, etc) but given a choice, one of them will minimize time with the other, and for good reason.

Your mom really, really doesn't want to be around your dad, who isn't making you a priority. Why are you so desperate to see him?[/quote]

[b]Neither parent wanted to deal with the other and stated they wouldn’t show up if the other attended.[/b] To avoid all the tension and drama, we just went to the courthouse. Neither were happy about that, but what else could we do? [/quote]

Is this you OP? I'm the pp who just said you pulled a bait and switch on your mom but this is like, this is effed up. My parents showed up to my wedding and I told both of them beforehand that if there was even a HINT of drama it would irrevocably damage our relationship.

In this case I would probably not have a relationship with either of them. This is really a step too far, what about your DH's parents? From one child of selfish jerks to another, you need to stop sacrificing your desires for theirs. But you also need to accept that 1) they are never going to mature and 2) it is not your responsibility to make them happy. I was team mom but if they forced you into a courthouse wedding over THEIR drama then honestly you should just start doing what you want and telling them to deal, they both sound like they are not deserving of the care and thoughtfulness you are providing them. [/quote]

But did they “force” OP into a courthouse wedding, or did she do that to prove a point? Whatever the reason, OP did set the drama up for this Thanksgiving. [/quote]

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