Reply to Serious things you accept to stay marriage

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Serious things you accept to stay marriage"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]ADHD and a lack of grit.

I missed the lack of grit when we were dating and first married - but the signs may have been there.

He constantly needs affirmation, and will randomly comment on how someone gave him a compliment years ago.    Nothing is his fault.  The slightest obstacle defeats him.

I didn’t realize the grit thing, because he had a successful career, in a competitive field.  Now that I’m 20 years older - I realize that as a white, middle-class boomer, working for the federal government, he just hasn’t had the same experience as I have had (non-white, woman, GenX, working in the private sector) even though I had the more privileged upbringing.

It’s come out in the last year or so as he’s retired from his government job and struggled to find a job that he likes.

The lack of a job wouldn’t bother me if he took more ownership of household tasks, but he’s finding that hard to do - likely because his executive functioning skills are awful.

I had a feeling about the ADHD, but it’s gotten worse as he ages and we had a kid.   He’s refusing to get help, but acknowledges there’s a problem.

Right now I’m in the appeasement stage- but also setting boundaries for what I take on, and  lowering my standards for things.

He puts up with a wife who is 20 lbs overweight with a low sex drive.  He doesn’t realize a lot of that is because of stress, a lack of a consistent schedule, and feeling like a I’m a mom to a moody teen - rather than his partner.  [/quote]

Wow, I could have written so much of this.  The lack of grit has been one of the greatest romantic killers between us.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics