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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm wondering if those of you who say OP's DS should attend also make your kids hug/kiss adults when they don't want to.  Do you make your kids play with those who make them feel different, make them feel there's something wrong with them, hound/pursue them? I don't and, therefore, wouldn't make my teenager attend an event where he's made to feel bad because of his differences. [/quote]

Oh please.  There’s a huge difference between insisting your teenager attend family holiday gatherings and making [b]little kids[/b] hug and kiss relatives.   You people really are over the top.  [/quote]

No, there is no difference.  That you can't see it's the same scenario is disturbing.  And, it's not just little kids who shouldn't be required/pressured to hug and kiss relatives.  It's anyone.  Parents should not pressure their kids to subsume their need for safety (physical and/or emotional) to conform to the desires of others. [/quote]

^^ to add to this, you can certainly have conversations with kids about their feelings, about the expectations of others, what you'd like to see, what you'd prefer they do, strategies to make it easier/better and what to do when it's too much but the choice should be the kid's. Otherwise, you're telling them that their needs don't matter and are subordinate to others.  That's not a message I would send to my kids. [/quote]

In a world where people are only conditioned to think about their own needs, you end up with a society of narcissistic jerks. I need sleep, but my sick child also needs someone to clean up his puke. My daughter needs to eat, but she also needs to pee. Those two needs cannot be fulfilled simultaneously. Sometimes your needs can’t be met the moment you want them to. There is also a difference between a “need” and a “want.” Plenty of people confuse the two. A kid does not “need” to play video games. He wants to play them. Big difference. If you cannot see the difference between having a kid outside their comfort zone to socialize with family versus forcing a kid to be physically affectionate, you are either not bright or being deliberately obtuse.[/quote]

Except the situation OP describes is not about 'outside their comfort zone' it's being made to feel, by the people who should unconditionally love and accept you, that there is something wrong with you, where you are hounded for attention and questions asked about 'what's wrong' with you.  This isn't about a kid who would rather play game/read than socialize.  This is a situation that is emotionally damaging.  It's not being able to protect yourself from those who tear you down. It is no different than having your agency taken away by being pressured to show someone affection.

I also question your family and social circles if you believe people are 'only condition to think about their own needs".  A kid does not "need" to attend an event where he's made to feel unwelcome. If extended family members 'want' to see their younger relatives, they 'need' to be held accountable for poor behavior or that younger relative 'needs' to stay away from them.[/quote]

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