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[quote=Anonymous]I am late to this thread but I read the entire thing and I want to chime in. This thread is so  privileged and out of touch that it’s a bit embarrassing. It’s also very difficult for me to comprehend where everyone’ time and energy is going. I am a single parent and have been so since my younger child was a few days old (I have two). I fled a life-threatening situation with a toddler and a newborn, had to start over from literal scratch, dead broke and with nowhere to live and no support, and fight off a very dangerous abuser in court for years (and fully fund that fight myself) to boot. There have also been some other horrific tragedies and brutal challenges along the way that I won’t get into details about which have made this experience 100x hardest. Suffice to say I have zero support from the other parent, have to keep my kids away from him for life in fact (for their own safety) and unfortunately no support from anyone else.

Despite all of that, I manage to work full-time in a very high-pressure job and provide an income and lifestyle equivalent to most married two-income families. I even managed to put in extra work the first couple of years to rapidly increase my income through a promotion and then new offer, working at night with a baby on my breast and a toddler in my bed,  so that I could cover everything, until I finally got to a place where I could pull back a bit and was comfortable financially. At the same time, I have managed to be a fully present parent. I found a job working from home to make it all work (and nowadays, almost anyone with an education can do so). I do all school drop offs. I have done every single bedtime except for 2 nights in the past 4 years. I breastfed both my kids for 3 years and co-slept that entire time as well, even through all this madness. I tried working without childcare in the beginning and nearly lost my mind and almost got fired, so I have childcare during 9-5 hours, but I almost never get childcare outside of that. I do every dinner. I am fully present and we do all kinds of fun activities in the evenings and on weekends. We travel. My kids lack for nothing except of course a loving second parent, but plenty of kids with married parents don’t have that either. I make time for my kids and they always come first, and I still manage to make time for a career that is notoriously stressful and high pressure.

My point is that on my own, I manage to provide both the lifestyle/income, and the level of attention/parenting that I consider to be typical of most married, educated, professional couples. If you have 1 or 2 healthy kids and two white collar parents, you have it on EASY MODE - literally have it easier than 99% of people on the planet both now and throughout human history. I literally cannot IMAGINE how much easier having a second parent around would be (or even just a parent who takes the kids every other weekend for visitation) even if thar parent were doing the bare minimum. Just having a person around so I could go to the bathroom in peace, or so I could sleep in literally just once, , or a parent who had another job to relieve some of that financial burden that’s 100% on me, I would feel like I was on vacation. If I had another parent with an income, I wouldn’t have to work a job I hate  because it’s the only thing that pays enough to afford everything and gives me a hope of buying a home in this obscenely expensive area and paying for college in the future. I wouldn’t have to grovel and take abuse at that job because I can’t risk losing it and having no income for several months during a bad market. I could have the luxury of sitting around and feeling guilty and wringing my hands on a thread like this that I chose my career over my kids - I don’t get to choose career or kids. I have to choose both, everyday, and I can’t slack in either because there is no other person to pick up that slack.

The only thing that slides is my personal life, which is nonexistent, but that’s typical while kids are young and that’s how it’s always been since long before mothers worked. If you want a lot of “me” time, don’t have kids. If the issue is not that you’re expecting a lot of time for yourself, and you still seriously cannot manage being a fully active parent and also having a career, AND you have another involved parent around (whether involved with kids or with the bank account), then you need to take a step back and reevaluate what you are doing and where all your time and energy is going.  Most people on earth are managing with much higher challenges and workloads. That’s even true for me as a single parent that makes a high income, has a nanny, and all the trappings of an upper middle class lifestyle.  Seriously, I am reading this thread and shaking my head because there is simply something not computing for me (unless you have 4 or 5 kids, or kids with special needs, in which case I get it).[/quote]

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