Reply to Husband doesn't help with hardly anything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He has ADHD. Seriously, he's able to do well at work because he's able to focus on that one thing. Once work is over, he wants to "zone" into games, sleep, etc. and will use all kinds of techniques to avoid tasks that seem tedious or boring. 
I have a teen son with ADHD and without meds, he acts exactly like this. 
[/quote]

I'm the PP that said the DH sounds selfish and entitled, but actually this makes more sense.  Significant ADHD and defensiveness about doing anything to fix it.  [/quote]

Is ADHD making him complain about the cleaners, lol?

The fact is, you can both be ADHD and a jerk. I have a brother w ADHD and he is a fantastic husband. ADHD does not excuse or explain this total abdication.

Also ADHD does require symptoms in multiple areas.  Someone who can manage work can also manage home duties. Someone motivated to run every day has the capacity to do the freakin’ dishes.

[/quote]

THIS. I wish there was a PSA about this. OP's DH may indeed have ADHD. He could also be depressed. None of this is an excuse for being an absent father and a jerk to your spouse.

Also, one of the problems about any diagnosis for the DH here is that he's not going to do anything about it. If he has ADHD, he's not going to get tested, take meds, or try to use adaptive skills to counteract its impact on his family. Same with depression. He's not going to go find a therapist and talk to a doctor about meds and figure out what works and try to get better. At best, he will go to an appointment that OP researches and makes for him, and if the suggested solutions are really easy, he might do some of them. At best. But OP will have to hold his hand and do most of the legwork and also never be frustrated by the fact that he will never, ever take personal responsibility over any of it. It might get moderately better.

People like this can sometimes find a diagnosis to blame their behavior on, but that in itself is just another way for them to shift responsibility off themselves. They are just selfish. They want to do the stuff they enjoy and they want other people to handle everything else and they have learned from a young age a variety of tactics for making this happen. I know men and women like this. It's entitlement, often facilitated by families who trained them into it. An ADHD diagnosis will not undo 40 years of thinking nothing is your fault and you don't have to do anything that is even mildly unpleasant to you.[/quote]

This is very perceptive.

A divorce really might be the better way.[/quote]

+1. And hope they don’t remarry and have more kids, they’d be even worse.[/quote]

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