Reply to Is my spouse being stingy?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is my spouse being stingy? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp here- many states are not community property states but rather equitable distribution which could require lots of legal fees to sort out and argue who gets what: it’s not automatically 50-50 and he could certainly work hard to argue that he gets to keep more because he earned it. Either way she doesn’t have access to funds which is frightening. . Op is also super vulnerable if he up and leaves: she would have to get court order to pay bills etc if he refused. It’s really unfair that op has no access to finances.  He is using money to control and because she is not currently working because she is totally dependent on him.

If he goes part time and refuses to do household stuff then you should make him
Pay for the cleaners out if “his” money! Or out the entirety of your Kay heck in your account and he gets to do the family budget from his part time job. [/quote]

OP here and I learned that we live in an "equitable distribution" state.  What that means, for the most part, is that my spouse's personal account is considered a marital asset (minus what he had in there before marriage, which was nothing).  It's considered a marital asset because he deposited money into it during our marriage that wasn't solely his money (like an inheritance would be). This is from a bit of amateur google legal research, so if anyone else has more professional knowledge to share, please do so.

However, PP above is correct that if the two parties can't agree on how to split assets equitably on their own, then it may require a bit of a legal process to sort through, and many things are taken into consideration by the court.  Things like age, future employability, contribution of one party to the increased earning power of the other party, contribution by a party in appreciation of property, established standard of living, etc.

Also a couple surprising stats:
- [b]Among U.S. couples who[/b] are married, in a [b]civil partnership or live together,[/b] 43 percent have only joint bank accounts.
- Many couples (34 percent) have a mix of joint and separate bank accounts, while 23 percent have completely separate accounts.[/quote]
Please do not compare your relationship with "couples who live together" and dont have accounts together, clearly that is not an apples to apples comparison here.

I agree you need to have a come to jesus talk here. The easiest way I can think about it is to use your household money for less. IE household money is not for new appliances or furniture, you request separate money for that. Vacations, same thing. If he has the separate account for all these expensive things that should apply for you as well. I'd use the $ for groceries, etc, and then when a big expense comes up you tell him how much it will be and he pays it or transfer it. [/quote]

That's what we already essentially do.  I ask him for more money when the bigger expenses come up and it depletes our joint account.  Also, now I find myself handing him the check more when we go out to restaurants, and no longer buying things like socks and underwear for him. Also, I've stopped planning family trips, outings, activities as much.  It's not ideal, and I plan to have a little household finance meeting with him to get on the same page.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics